I honestly can’t find a place in this world where I feel safe and comfortable (period). As a Black woman, I just get tired of fighting. Fighting to be understood, to have my voice heard, to be valued, to live. I know that the country of my birth did not intend for me to be free, and when they penned those poignant words: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…” The Declaration of Independence was not declared on my behalf. And I’m tired of fighting against the grain, to just be seen as a creation of the Creator.

This weekend will mark the 100 year anniversary of the Tulsa Massacre, where Black bodies and business were destroyed by terror and condoned by the very government many of them had pledged their lives to protect and support. And as I read the news of how powerful individuals are working to limit access to having the story of the Black people, not just bodies, being told, I feel so tired.

Last year all I could do is weep when the murdering execution of George Floyd happened on national television. Like the lynchings of old that turned into a public spectacle. Families would gather together to witness the murdering of Black bodies that had no say over their lives.

I close my eyes and hear God say “This world is not your home…” but I’m tired of being homeless! Then He says: Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” John 14:1-4 NKJV

So, Jesus what am I supposed to do in the meantime? The time between this hell on earth and the heaven with You? I hear: To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.” Rev. 3:21. NKJV.

What did You overcome Jesus? Because that’s my question. What do you understand about being marginalized and broken? As the King of the Universe, what could you have overcome? This is the message that He tells me

He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth. – Isaiah 53:3-7 NKJV

Jesus tells me that He understands what it feels like to be unwanted in your own country, your own home. But He overcame the hatred with love. And I fear with hope. And this is what I have to cling to. The promises from Jesus that He will fill me with His love, and cover me with Hispe and cradle me with His faith. Because without Him, I don’t think I can overcome anything, and that hate will fill my soul. And I don’t want to live life like that.

Even so, come Lord Jesus.