I’ve been going through an emotional rollercoaster the past few months. I’m not alone; this is a ride that the entire world has been on while trying not to heave at all the insane twists and turns. Knowing that Christ is coming soon should provide a sense of relief but not negate what I am going through in the present. And for this emotional turmoil, I also am not alone, for God, Himself struggled with the present-future notion. Let me explain…

When God spoke this world into existence (Gen. 1:3, John 1:1-3), He created a covenant (Is. 42:6, Rev. 13:8,) within the family of God (Deut. 6:4, Mark 12:29) to provide a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13, Heb. 4:15) for humanity (Gen 3, Rev. 13:8), by giving Himself (Gen. 22:7) for us (John 3:16; Gal. 2:20).

But all of God’s foreknowledge: I declare the end from the beginning and ancient times from what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and all My good pleasure I will accomplish.’ Isaiah 46:10 BSB, He still suffered in the moment, and wanted to end His suffering: And He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, where He knelt down and prayed, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Luke 22:41-42 BSB.

Yet, He went through with it because of the covenant made was from the foundations of the world (Rev. 13:8) before time began, so it was an everlasting covenant. God would rather die than break it. And I think of this world and all the problems that it has, even though I know that it will all end soon, the surety of the future does not negate the present’s reality.

So, the fact that I know the scriptures are clear that I will get a new body (1 Cor. 15:54) does not eliminate the mourning that I have for my present body. I am in my late 30s and have recently been diagnosed with male pattern alopecia. The thinning of my hair has been going on for years. I’ve cut my hair to try and hide it, and I can hide it no longer. So a few days ago, I just butchered it all up. It looks terrible!

Finally, I went to a doctor’s appointment, where I was diagnosed. I’ll be getting some blood work and tests done to see what is causing this issue (among others, that I’m not ready to share with the world…yet, if ever). BUT before I wallow in a sea of my own self-pity and the death of my follicle dreams (I’ve always wanted a full head of hair), I hear God whisper to me in the present to carry my to the future: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9 NIV.

His grace is sufficient for me. That Greek word for sufficient is Arkei: to be possessed of unfailing strength (BlueLetterBible.org). So while I may be weak and crying of my lack of failed femininity, Jesus is telling me that His grace possesses unfailing strength. And so, if His grace is an ocean, I will gladly sink into it so that I may be immersed in His strength, come up again, and float in the sea of His love.