Week 20

I’ve been going through an emotional rollercoaster the past few months. I’m not alone; this is a ride that the entire world has been on while trying not to heave at all the insane twists and turns. Knowing that Christ is coming soon should provide a sense of relief but not negate what I am going through in the present. And for this emotional turmoil, I also am not alone, for God, Himself struggled with the present-future notion. Let me explain…

When God spoke this world into existence (Gen. 1:3, John 1:1-3), He created a covenant (Is. 42:6, Rev. 13:8,) within the family of God (Deut. 6:4, Mark 12:29) to provide a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13, Heb. 4:15) for humanity (Gen 3, Rev. 13:8), by giving Himself (Gen. 22:7) for us (John 3:16; Gal. 2:20).

But all of God’s foreknowledge: I declare the end from the beginning and ancient times from what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and all My good pleasure I will accomplish.’ Isaiah 46:10 BSB, He still suffered in the moment, and wanted to end His suffering: And He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, where He knelt down and prayed, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Luke 22:41-42 BSB.

Yet, He went through with it because of the covenant made was from the foundations of the world (Rev. 13:8) before time began, so it was an everlasting covenant. God would rather die than break it. And I think of this world and all the problems that it has, even though I know that it will all end soon, the surety of the future does not negate the present’s reality.

So, the fact that I know the scriptures are clear that I will get a new body (1 Cor. 15:54) does not eliminate the mourning that I have for my present body. I am in my late 30s and have recently been diagnosed with male pattern alopecia. The thinning of my hair has been going on for years. I’ve cut my hair to try and hide it, and I can hide it no longer. So a few days ago, I just butchered it all up. It looks terrible!

Finally, I went to a doctor’s appointment, where I was diagnosed. I’ll be getting some blood work and tests done to see what is causing this issue (among others, that I’m not ready to share with the world…yet, if ever). BUT before I wallow in a sea of my own self-pity and the death of my follicle dreams (I’ve always wanted a full head of hair), I hear God whisper to me in the present to carry my to the future: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9 NIV.

His grace is sufficient for me. That Greek word for sufficient is Arkei: to be possessed of unfailing strength (BlueLetterBible.org). So while I may be weak and crying of my lack of failed femininity, Jesus is telling me that His grace possesses unfailing strength. And so, if His grace is an ocean, I will gladly sink into it so that I may be immersed in His strength, come up again, and float in the sea of His love.

Day 311

I did something today that I encourage you to do as well. I counted my blessings. Not all of them, but one very specific one, and then I broke it down and just marveled at the goodness of God. The fact is that His mercies, His Chesed love towards us are never failing. They are new every morning. Meaning God, who is eternal, pours out new blessings upon you every single day. The prophet Jeremiah struggled in ways many of us will never understand. But when his soul was heavy and his afflictions many, this is what he had to say: But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:21-24.

I don’t want you to miss the significance of what is going on here. The book’s title is Lamentations. The definition of this word is: the passionate expression of grief or sorrow; weeping” (Google Dictionary). Whatever the author was going through it was enough for him to pen it down in a book he entitled “the passionate expression of grief or sorrow; weeping.” And it was the destruction of his people, and the land he called home. They had turned their backs against God. They had broken the covenant, yet still desired the blessings of the covenant. The Israelite nation had mastered the “friends with benefits” scenario with God. And God was not having it anymore. He gave them countless opportunities until it was clear that they no longer desired the presence of God, although claimed His protection and power. But God does not work that way, and as a side note neither should we.

If someone wants to be in a relationship with you for all the benefits associated with being exclusive, yet they do not behave as they are or claim the title of exclusivity, then you should withhold yourself from them. This isn’t saying that if you’re married and you want to punish your spouse that you withhold sex. No, this is saying if you’re in a relationship with someone who wants what you can provide for them, but not you as an individual that you should withhold whatever benefits from them until you are seen as the valued equal partner that you are.

And that is what God wanted from the ones He said: Because you are precious and honored in My sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you and nations in place of your life.” Isaiah 43:4. But they treated God as yesterday’s trash and not as the God of the universe who called them into being. They wanted the power of God but not His presence, His protection but not His precepts. So God gave them what they wanted and He stepped away from them for a moment. And when He did, the enemy came swooping in with utter destruction.

And this is the time and period in which Jeremiah lived. And he chronologized His grief and sorrow in the book he called Lamentations. But even among the pain and the sorrow, between the gasping airs of weeping, he was able to grasp unto one kernel of hope, and that was the Chesed, steadfast love of God. That even though everything around him seemed to be going straight to hell, that the sun still came up the next morning. That he still had breath in his lungs when others were sent to the grave. He realized that amid the pain and suffering that the LORD was still with him. That: The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24.

Who knows what pain and sorrow or lament you are going through. I have no idea. All I am sure of is that the One who does know, is still surrounding you with His everlasting and faithful love, and His mercies towards you are new every single morning you fill your lungs with air. Let your soul agree with Jeremiah when he says that the Lord is our portion and our hope will always be in Him.

Day 301

Today, I encountered three suicide stories. As I listened to the heartbreaking stories from individuals who knew them, my mind wrestled to grasp the information I was learning. These were three relatively unrelated incidents. Yet each one had one common theme: pain. Not physical pain, at least not any that I was made aware of. But psychological pain that seemed too heavy to bear anymore. I’m not a mental health expert, nor have I ever claimed to be. But from my little corner, it is clear that mental disparities are rising at such a significant rate, and we can’t seem to catch up in enough time to help. What stops us from saying “Help Me!”

I’ve mentioned briefly a moment that I had, it was a moment of extreme weakness, but I’ve never felt stronger. There were so many things going on, and I did not feel adequate enough to handle everything. I felt like a hypocrite because I know God and have a relationship with Him. He who can step into the abyss and speak life into existence was my personal Friend. And I knew that He was with me, and there wasn’t a step that I have ever taken, that He has not first walked down. But I could not get the heaviness off of my chest. I’m the encourager, people call me for hope and Biblical proof-text needed for doctrine. So I felt ashamed to reach out to anyone when I had created this persona that I was “fine.” Or better yet “too blessed to be stressed.”

But that’s an insult to God. Because when Jesus was on this earth and He had shared with His disciples that He and His Father, who the angels worship non-stop in the heavenly realm (Revelation 4), were one (John 16,17); Jesus still reached out to His friends for help. God needed the help of His friends. Would I call that weak? No, it’s the strongest thing you can do, to cry out for help: He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me. He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Matthew 26:37-39.

He was full of anguished, He was distressed, His soul was crushed with grief to the point of death. In addition to praying, He asked His friends to watch with Him. God felt like He couldn’t get through this rough patch on His Own, why do we think that we can? That day when I felt the weight of the world on me, I knew that if I did not reach out, that I would end up in a place that no one would be able to pull me out of. So I sent a text to my boss! I mean how weak can one look before another? If you’re going to be going through a crisis, the last person you want to reach out to is your boss! But something within me told me that he was the only one that I could reach out to. So I sent him a simple text: Please pray for me.” He immediately texted me back, and said that he was going to call me in a few minutes, he was going to end a meeting that he was in.

My boss called me via Teams, and all I could do is cry. Tears streamed down my face because I could no longer hold it in any longer. My cup was full, and I had no place to empty it. My boss is the senior vice president of a very important entity, but he put everything aside to address my wounded, tired spirit.

If my boss, who is a very busy and important man, was willing to do that for me, how much more is God willing to do it for us? One of the reasons why I reached out to my boss is because we have similar familia issues dealing with mental health. I knew he would understand as no one else could. An for me to know that Jesus has dealt with an anguished, distressed, and crushed spirit, let’s me know that He really knows how it feels to be in “that place.” And through Christ’s experience, He lets us know that it’s okay to reach out to others in addition to reaching out o God.

I don’t know what you’re going through. All I want you to know is that you are not alone. It’s okay to show that you need help, I mean if God did it, why can’t you?

National Suicide Prevention Help number: 800-273-8255. You’re not alone. You’re loved, and you are so ridiculously important to Him, and to me. Hopefully, soon we’ll see each other in the kingdom. Until then, hold on.

Day 288

A friend of mine sent me a sonogram image of her pregnancy. I was so excited for her because she is finally having a BOY! After two girls she and her husband will be welcoming a son through the grace and guidance of God. I called my mother and told her that my friend was having a boy. We rejoiced over the phone together and then she said something: You’ll probably have 2 boys and a girl!” I immediately scoffed/laughed at her comment. I am as single as the day that I was born with just as many suitors on the day of my birth, zero. I’m nearing my 4th decade in life, and NO ONE is trying to start an entire family when I’m past my prime in life! As I shook my head at my mother’s comment, I felt shame begin to creep into my soul. Did I not think that God could provide me a spouse and 3 healthy pregnancies at my age? Even though science and society state that any pregnancy past 35 years old is considered as a geriatric pregnancy: You may have heard the term “geriatric pregnancy” to describe pregnancy in women over age 35” (National Women’s Health Network). Was I limiting what God can do, because of my present reality?

The short answer is yes. For someone who shouts about having a relationship with God from the mountain tops, I quickly limited what He could do because I haven’t been able to do through my own powers. After my almost guttural scoff/laugh Sarah’s story came to mind. I thought after reading this story dozens of times that I understood it. But it wasn’t until I experienced her disbelief as my disbelief did it become real to me.

Sarah left her home with her husband and followed him all based on the word of God. She was already much older than most women who had families, and she had only her husband. God promised Abraham that He would make him a father of nations: I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.” Genesis 12:2. So if Abraham was going to have children, they would have to come through his wife, right? And so Sarah held this hope close to her heart. As the story continues, several years go by, and a decade has now come and gone, and still no hint of even a missed menstrual cycle. Abraham still believed, and his belief would have to be enough for both of them, for now. Because the promise that God gave was directly to him and not her.

After years of nothing, Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands and pressure her husband to participate in the culture surrounding them. He would sleep with her servant, and that child would become hers through adoption. But stepping outside the will of God never creates a positive outcome. Thirteen more years go by, now it’s been almost 25 years since God made that boisterous claim to Abraham. God tells him again: “As for Me, this is My covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations.” Genesis 17:4. And then God does something to solidify the promise in their minds, He changes their name: No longer shall your name be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham, for I have made you the father of a multitude of nations.” Genesis 17:5. What’s crazy, is that Abraham only has one son and that his son was a teenager who had no children, so what does God mean by “I have made you the father of a multitude of nations“?

God changed Abraham’s name so that he could live in expectation of the promise being fulfilled because God said it would be done. For it is the Lord who said: so shall My word be that goes out from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11. What God said had already happened, it’s just that Abraham had not yet reached the timeline in which it would be fulfilled. But this time when God spoke to His servant, He did not just give a promise to Abraham, He also made one to his wife: And God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. And I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will descend from her.” Genesis 17:15-16.

Even though God had given that promise more time had gone by and Sarah, with her new name, was still barren and childless. So when God Himself came down to visit them when she was about 89 years old she scoffed/laughed within herself when she overheard the Creator of life say: And He said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.” Genesis 18:10. The next verse tells us that Sarah had entered into menopause and she no longer had any eggs left to fertilize. Her reality did not match God’s and so her reaction was to: Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?” Genesis 18:12. Even in her laughter and sadness, was a blade of hope, buried deep within the mounds of time and disappointments, failures and tears.

But for those of you who know the story, she did have her son, and she named him Laughter or the Hebrew equivalent Isaac. But I want to concentrate on the fact that God knew her name. And if He knew her name, He knew the desires of her heart, and if He knew her name and her desires, He knows ours. I pray that you continue to hold onto God and that your Isaac, whatever shape or form it may be, will soon be delivered, at His appointed time.

Day 284

image from GLP

Sometimes I think we make up memories to hide the ugly retrograded truths of our past. This helps us cope with what was either done to us or what we did to others. Some childhood memories are so strong and vivid in our minds that we can even smell the scents surrounding it. Others are so distant they seem like they were stories that we heard instead of things that we had experienced. Most recently during my devotional time with God, unflattering memories have resurfaced to the forefront of my mind. Memories that make me gasp, and struggle for air. Tears stream down my face, and I can hardly fathom that the events that happened in the pockets of my mind. There’s a Bible verse that states: Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts” Psalm 139:23. And that is what God has been doing with me, and I can barely stand it anymore. Because the one causing the pain and the abuse in my memories is me.

I’ve discussed, not in too much detail, some abuses that have occurred in my past. And things like that should never have happened, but they did. We don’t live in a perfect world, and sometimes children get violated. But I am not innocent, because I have violated others as well. Perhaps not on the same physical plane, but surely on the same psychological one. I was a mean child. But in the face of the adults, I would be calm and quiet. I never caused any harm to concern. If something went wrong no one would ever look in my direction. At such a young age I had mastered the art of deception. And the memories that God has allowed to resurface are so heartbreaking. I almost wish He never had searched me…

Before Jesus left this earth, He promised His disciples that He would send them the Holy Spirit: But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in My name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” John 14:26. The Holy Spirit will teach us all things and bring to remembrance… In chapter 16 of the same book Jesus says that when the Holy Spirit comes: He will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and judgement…the Spirit of truth, is come, He will guide you into all truth.” John 16:8,13. The truth is, the awesome person I thought I was, I am not! And it’s so painful to know that I have hurt so many people, especially the ones who are closest to me. And with every person that I had hurt when I was younger, I hurt Jesus: And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren, ye have done it unto Me.” Matthew 25:40.

If I had died as a child, I would have gone straight to Hell in the judgment. Don’t get confused, I knew the Bible better than anyone I went to school with. I may have known it a little more than my actual teacher now that I think of it. But just knowing the word of God is not enough. Ezekiel 28 tells us that the devil himself was a covering cherub whose job was to not only know the law of God but to tell others about it. Listen to what James tells us: You believe that God is one. Good for you! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.” James 2:19. Just knowing the truth never saved anyone. James really lets us have it: Are they not the ones who blaspheme the noble name by which you have been called? If you really fulfill the royal law stated in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” James 2:8-10.

When I was young I was a blasphemer of the name of God. I never fulfilled the royal law to love my neighbor as myself. Instead, I was a royal terror fulfilling the works of the enemy. And had I not have the scriptures to tell me that I was a terror, how could I have known how messed up I was as a kid? Paul, the writer of 2/3rds of the New Testament understands where I am coming from: I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because He judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.” 1 Timothy 1:12-14.

It is because of the mercies and grace of God through Jesus, that I am to say “I am sorry.” I am so sorry for all the pain that I have caused, the hearts that I have broken, and the shame that brought to the name of Jesus. Paul continues: The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Timothy 1:15-17.

Father, thank you for forgiving me, and for bringing these terrible memories to the surface of my mind so I could seek and ask for your forgiveness. Heal those who I have wounded and comfort those who I made to mourn, in the powerful name of Jesus.
Amen.

Image from Google Images

Day 247

I was going to study political science in undergrad, and then go to grad school to obtain my JD. I was going to be a lawyer. Get married at 25, have 2 kids by the time I was 28, and about the age of 35 have run for a political office. My goal was to remain in the state that I was raised and to leave it better than when I entered it. I am 36, very much single with no children. Studied allied health sciences in undergrad, and for grad school, I got my degrees from the College of Public Health Administration from the university that I attended. I have no desire to go anywhere near politics. There’s an adage: If you want to see God laugh, make plans.

I had mapped out my life, and it doesn’t look ANYTHING like I had planned. I was so specific, I wanted to get pregnant once, with twins, so I wouldn’t have to go through pregnancy again. I wanted a boy and a girl, so I’d have one of each. But that did not happen. Having kids naturally after the age of 35 is called a “geriatric pregnancy.” It’s a real thing, I didn’t make it up. A few years ago, someone who came in the guise of “concern for me,” asked me if I was trying to start a family at my age. I was blown away. I think I was 29 at the time. They said that they thought it was great that I was concentrating on finishing graduate school, but what next? I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wasn’t dating. So when did I think I could find someone, and date for a while, get married, enjoy the married life before having kids. I was still confused as to why we were having this conversation. They proceeded to tell me that it was not fair to myself nor society to get pregnant after a certain age because I increased my chance of having a mentally challenged baby.

To this day, that conversation floored me. Is that how you tell someone that you care for them? If so, I’d rather believe that you didn’t care. I believe that every child is a gift from God. And we all have difficulties in this life. Whatever child God gave me, if I had them naturally or not, if they had complications or not, I would with my entire being, because that is what God created us to do. And in that respect or regard, we have challenges. We struggle through life every day. In fact, during a prayer recently, I resented that someone felt like they had to pray for me, for a specific subject. I was hurt because I know that I am broken, and in my state, I hate that I don’t feel like I’m enough, that I need God to step in and rescue me. And I know that He doesn’t resent me, nor my resentfulness due to my weaknesses: But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I think my problem, is being weak. I’m used to being strong. I’m the one in charge, even when I’m not the one in charge. I make the shots, I make the calls, I sign off for approval, I make the final decisions, I’m not weak. And yet there is something in my life that escapes me, and I cannot find the answers from within myself, and so I am helpless for His throne. But I don’t want it to be me. I pray for others, I teach people about the Word of God, I get it. But there’s a part that I can’t grasp and hurts me to the core of who I am. But then the word of God says: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9.

His grace is going to make up the shortfall that I can’t make up and His grace is what saves me. There are not enough things on this earth that I can do to change His constant approach towards me: I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3. When I was making up my plans when I was younger there was One thing missing, Him. He wasn’t in them. I figured out that He would be around, and I would attend church with my family, but the reality was, that God was not at the center of my plans. Even though I was at the heart of His: He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.” 2 Timothy 1:9. While through His grace, before the beginning of time, I was on His mind; my mind was focused on things of this life, this world, these issues, when all the time He was telling me: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2.

God had no problems with my plans, but He knew that my plans might cause me problems that would not help me achieve the goal He has set before me, the prize: I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14. Sure, if you want to see God laugh, make plans. But if you want to see Him smile, include Him in them.

Day 224

Life is all about finding balance. I believe God attempted to show this to us during the week of creation. Where: Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalm 121:4, still took His time to make the world in 7 days instead of in one fellow swoop. Within creation, He made the circadian rhythm for not just the world, but for mankind and every living creature on this planet. And then on the seventh day, He rested. We just saw that God neither takes a nap or falls asleep, what was the point of Him resting? It was an example provided for us to really live life to the fullest.

But since sin entered the world, no longer are we living the life which God designed us to live. Yesterday I shared with you how I did not put the fuel that my car was designed to perform at its optimal level. And this led to my car prematurely dying. There is death all around us, and yet there is also joy. While one may give birth and taking its first breath, another struggles as it takes its’ last. Today I received news which forced me to take a look at life through the lenses of perspective.

A woman who was kind and just had a lovely spirit died yesterday. Mrs. Johnson was in charge of our Usher Board at church for as long as I could remember. She always had a smile on her face, and always wore her blue suit in a pristine fashion. Memories of her bring me to a more peaceful and celebratory time. When I was young and vibrant in my faith, and practically lived at church because I wanted to give my all to Jesus and work for His body. We would participate in Women’s Ministries together and attend prayer breakfasts and every eve of the new year, our church would gather at sunset to welcome whatever promises God had for us, and to honor His name for the protections from the year that had just passed. And now, Mrs. Johnson has passed on. Awaiting in the grave, sleeping until she hears her Master say “Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.” Matthew 25:23. There’s a verse that discusses how God feels when someone He loves dies: The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die.” Psalm 116:15.

And it is okay to cry, we know Jesus did it: Jesus wept [cried].” John 11:35. His tears were for His friend Lazerus, who He was going to resurrect soon, but that did not negate His emotions towards His loved one. And so it is divinely permissible to shed tears. Because we were created in His image. I know I will see her again, and what a glorious day that will be! But until then, rest my dear sister in Christ.

If this were the end of the blog, I think I would be satisfied, but I received more news today. My friend was admitted to the hospital last week due to COVID-19. It caught me off guard because we are the same age. She works out regularly and by all accounts is considered to be relatively healthy. When had been on my mind for days. I prayed for her in my heart and kept it moving. But her name would not stop appearing in my head, so I reached out to her. Then she sent me the text which read: Hey hun not good I just got admitted to the hospital.”

I immediately called her to find out what was going on. She went to the doctor because she was feeling terrible, and got tested, and came out positive for COVID-19. A few days later, she was worse, and when they took an x-ray she found out that she also had developed pneumonia! My poor friend. Her doctor called the hospital which he had physician privilege to and directly admitted her. Next thing she knew, she was on oxygen and had several IV pumps filling her with medications, designed to save her life.

Today she got discharged! Blessings from the FATHER! I gave Him praise and lifted her up in prayer. One moment I got terrible news about how death had succumbed one, and in the next breath I received the amazing news that my friend was well enough to go home. And my emotions were raw and confused. God, how do I mourn and celebrate at the same time? And that is when He told me that I had to find balance. Not dealing with our emotions is an unhealthy habit that many of us participate in.

The scripture is filled with examples of how we are to find balance. In every good example, the key denominator was God. When Jesus had died, the disciples were beside themselves. But when the found out about His resurrection, their grief turned into joy. But then Christ was leaving them, again. But not without direction, not without the Good News to spread to the whole world. The Holy Spirit would keep them, and they had to but trust God, in their good times and in their bad, knowing He is working all things out for their good, in the heart of God. And this is the only place where we can mourn and laugh, cry in joy, and threw pain. In the heart of God, surrounded by His mercies. I invite you to find the balance that only He can supply from one Life to another, join me in a prayer to the Lord to: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6.

Day 172

What can Jesus do for you? In all honesty, what do you want from God? What if He was to ask you? Let’s say that you were laying down underneath a tree with your eyes closed, tears running down your face, and troubling thoughts filling your head. And then you hear someone’s footsteps making that crunching sound underneath the dried up leaves. You, who are so focused on your problems, do not even open your eyes to see who it is or what they want. Then you hear the most soothing voice ever imaginable, and it causes you to sit up and see who has approached your cloud of pain. The individual asks you a question, it is exactly what you need. But instead of answering honestly, an excuse comes out of your mouth. It’s an instinctive behavior that human beings have perfected, the excuse. Passed down from our first parents, excuses have been unfortunate ways that we have used to limit our growth and distance ourselves from accountability. Usually 9 times out of 10 excuses block blessings that God desperately desires to pour upon us.

In John chapter 5 we read about a man who was located in the City of David, Jerusalem. The city of peace. It was a time of celebration, a festive time in the streets of Jerusalem, and yet this man laid withering in the background. He was at the famous pool near the Sheep Gate, called Bethesda. It was rumored that an angel would come from heaven and stir up the waters in the pool, and whoever was able to get into the pool first, would end up healed from their diseases. Now, the story of the water having miraculous powers by the touch of an angel, in of itself is an excuse. Because instead of the people calling on God to help them, they were waiting for an obscure phenomena to occur in order for them to receive healing. That got me thinking, how many of us are waiting on “stories” or “fairy tales” to to come true in order to start our lives? What story have you told yourself that has you convinced that you can’t fully live your life until “such and such” happens.

This man was surrounded by people who believed in superstition instead of the supernatural power of God. And yet when God walked among them, no one even recognized Him. Is that possible today? For God to move in and around our lives and we have no idea that it His providence, or that His Spirit, His presence is surrounding us? But because what we expect to happen has not happened the way we want it to, we miss out on God doing a marvelous thing. So as we continue to look at the story unfold we find out that although the man had been there for a long time, waiting on a fantasy that had been ascribed to God, but had nothing to do with Him, that the man had been ill for almost 4 decades: There was a certain man there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus noticed him lying there [helpless], knowing that he had been in that condition a long time” John 5:5-6.

Now whenever Jesus shows up, we know that something is going to happen. But what we don’t pay attention to many of the times, is that Jesus does not force change upon us. When in the previous chapter, John 4, Jesus was speaking to a woman at the well, it was a strange random occurrence for her. But what she did not know is that: And he must needs pass through Samaria.” John 4:4. Here we see that Jesus had to go to Samaria. Why? The Jews did not deal with the Samaritans and this is why the woman was doubly shocked that a man would speak to her during the day in the open like that, and being a Jew, ask for water from her. Jesus was breaking all social protocol because He had to interact with this woman who was so broken and abused, she had no hope left. Jesus came to not only give her hope but to make her whole. But before He was able to do that, He had to work through her excuses.

The same thing happens to this man in John chapter 5. We learn that he had been lying there waiting for a “chance” encounter from the spirit world, when the God of all creation was standing there speaking to him. And when Jesus spoke to him, Jesus asked him this question: He said to him, “Do you want to get well?” John 5:6. Now, what do you think his response was? Or better yet what would your response be? We know from prophetic writings in Isaiah 61, and in His own declaration that Jesus came to set the captive free, to heal the brokenhearted and to make us, those who have been shattered, whole (Luke 4:18). But what if too many of us are comfortable in our misery? The adage that misery loves company, is a terribly depressing one. That instead of seeking change, miserable people want to spread their disease of unhappiness to others in order to feel better, that’s just sick. But if truth be told, many of us suffer from that reality. When Jesus asked the man “Do you want to get well?” any person would think “Of COURSE Jesus!” But that was not what the man said.

Instead of saying: Yes. He said: The invalid answered, “Sir, I have no one to put me in the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am coming [to get into it myself], someone else steps down ahead of me.” John 5:7. I appreciate the Bible, because it always keeps in it 100%. The man was an invalid who had been in his position for 38 years. The Bible does not expressly state it, but commentators have expressed what is intimated in the text, that the man had lived a life that had caused him to become in the state that he was in. When we get in situations that lead to our demise, Jesus does not come at us and start listing our issues and our problems, He just asks us: Do you want to get well? And often times it is the case that we are not honest with God, because we haven’t been honest with ourselves. God is offering this man a healing, and all he wants to concentrate on is how life is not fair and that he doesn’t have anyone to help me, oops I meant him.

Jesus sees past his self-pity and gives him a command: Jesus said to him, “Get up; pick up your pallet and walk.” John 5:8. I wonder how many times Jesus has given us the command to “LIVE” and we are still reciting excuses, instead of obeying the voice of God. Well good for the man, he obeys Jesus’ command, and the word of God says: Immediately the man was healed and recovered his strength, and picked up his pallet and walked.” John 5:9. That’s the power of God, He is able to immediately heal you, and make you whole. The question is, are you ready? Will you listen? And finally, will you obey when He tells you to get up? Know that He’s right there with His hand out to you to help you up, but you have got to make that move of faith and “pick up” your pallet or whatever you’ve leaning on as a crutch, pack that thing away, and go live your life to the fullest: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10.

Day 157

Sometimes we read the Bible, without really comprehending the meaning behind the words. There’s a verse that I like to use to share with people when trouble is brewing in their lives, it is John 16:33 “I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world!” Even reading it, it sounds so uplifting! I mean, yeah, I’ll have some issues, Jesus told me that, but He also told me to take courage[!] for He’s overcome the world! Okay. What exactly is being said here? When Jesus said that we would have tribulation, do we really know what Christ was talking about? The Greek word mentioned for tribulation is thlipsin, which means persecution, affliction, distress, pressures. So let’s talk about some tribulation.

Perhaps one of the things that I appreciate about Jesus, is the fact that He told us what was going on. He doesn’t keep us in the dark. The word actually states that: The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, so that we may follow all the words of this law.” Deuteronomy 29:29. There are things that I don’t think our minds can comprehend, and so they are known as the “secret things.” In Amos we see that: Surely the Lord GOD does nothing without revealing His plan to His servants the prophets.” Amos 3:7. So God reveals things to us for which Jesus states it is for us to have peace, in Him. When Jesus was on earth with His disciples, He told them that He was going to be chastised, bruised, and eventually murdered. But when all those things happened, they were completely aghast and had NO clue of what was going on. So sometimes I don’t think God tells us some things, because we just can’t process it.

And it was directly to His disciples and those who would believe in Him because we heard and believed the testimony of those very disciples through the reading of the Word of God, in which Jesus was speaking to when He said you’d have tribulation. Now we saw what the Greek meaning for the word tribulation was: persecution, affliction, distress, pressures. When it comes to persecution, this is an extremely real occurrence, that is not really felt in what is considered “1st World Countries.” The western world seems to be more openminded with religious tolerance, at least for now. But I have known people who had to flee their homes because they had chosen to follow Jesus and keep His commandments because they loved Him (John 14:15) more than the comfort of their surroundings, more than their lives (Revelation 12:11).

What about the affliction side of tribulation. Affliction has been opposed on people for centuries, no dare I say millennia. Pain and suffering have seemed to follow humans as streams follow the rivers into the ocean. The problem with affliction buries deep in the psyche of the human mind. Jesus knows all about this. While He was in the garden, trying to make His way mentally and physically to the cross, it states that: And being in agony [deeply distressed and anguished; almost to the point of death], He prayed more intently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down on the ground.” Luke 22:44. Can you imagine being under such anguish and affliction, that your blood capillaries burst at your temple on your head?

What about distress? It may feel like the entire world is in distress. From physical to social-economic diseases. Even the earth itself is under distress: For [even the whole] creation [all nature] waits eagerly…For the creation was subjected to frustration and futility, not willingly, but by the will of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will also be freed from its bondage to decay [and gain entrance] into the glorious freedom…For we know that the whole creation has been moaning together as in the pains of childbirth until now.” Romans 8:19-23. Even the earth is groaning for a change. But this change will not come until God creates all things new: And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are faithful and true.” Revelation 21:5.

Finally what about pressure? Life’s pressures seem to come at us on every side. Internal pressures from our minds, bodies, and homes. External pressures from society, financial responsibilities, friends, families? Jesus knew that life at times could become so overwhelming, that we feel like we were drowning our more accurately stated: And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.” Mark 4:19. Here the Bible tells us through a parable of Jesus, that if we let life’s pressures consume us, we could get caught up in the wrong things and end up being choked out from the word of God, and end up losing everything.

Dear God, how do we balance this life? How do we make it through? This is why Jesus says: I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace…take courage; I have overcome the world.“ He told us so that we wouldn’t let the tribulations of this life discourage and take us down. Instead, He tells us to rest and abide in Him in order to have peace. This is the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). When the world seems to be spiraling out of control, you know that you are firm in Whom you stand. Many may come and go, but there is only ONE who will never leave you, and that’s Jesus. He asks us to cast all our burdens on Him, cry at His feet, and to let Him love you like no one ever could.