Week 21

I honestly can’t find a place in this world where I feel safe and comfortable (period). As a Black woman, I just get tired of fighting. Fighting to be understood, to have my voice heard, to be valued, to live. I know that the country of my birth did not intend for me to be free, and when they penned those poignant words: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…” The Declaration of Independence was not declared on my behalf. And I’m tired of fighting against the grain, to just be seen as a creation of the Creator.

This weekend will mark the 100 year anniversary of the Tulsa Massacre, where Black bodies and business were destroyed by terror and condoned by the very government many of them had pledged their lives to protect and support. And as I read the news of how powerful individuals are working to limit access to having the story of the Black people, not just bodies, being told, I feel so tired.

Last year all I could do is weep when the murdering execution of George Floyd happened on national television. Like the lynchings of old that turned into a public spectacle. Families would gather together to witness the murdering of Black bodies that had no say over their lives.

I close my eyes and hear God say “This world is not your home…” but I’m tired of being homeless! Then He says: Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” John 14:1-4 NKJV

So, Jesus what am I supposed to do in the meantime? The time between this hell on earth and the heaven with You? I hear: To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.” Rev. 3:21. NKJV.

What did You overcome Jesus? Because that’s my question. What do you understand about being marginalized and broken? As the King of the Universe, what could you have overcome? This is the message that He tells me

He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth. – Isaiah 53:3-7 NKJV

Jesus tells me that He understands what it feels like to be unwanted in your own country, your own home. But He overcame the hatred with love. And I fear with hope. And this is what I have to cling to. The promises from Jesus that He will fill me with His love, and cover me with Hispe and cradle me with His faith. Because without Him, I don’t think I can overcome anything, and that hate will fill my soul. And I don’t want to live life like that.

Even so, come Lord Jesus.

Week 10

One of the most well-known passages in scripture is Psalm 23 (I’ll insert it below). Those beautiful words penned by a troubled child of God offers me comfort. As a Black woman, the obstacles that are designated to me have a way of weighing me down while trying to uproot me at the same time. Regardless of the sex I was designed to be; I would be Black. As a Black man, there are plenty of obstacles and trauma awaiting you in this world. I cannot speak to them, but I respect the struggle. What I can speak on is that as a woman, I am considered less than, and as a Black person, I am seen as a danger, but as a Black woman, I am perceived as undesirable. Yet, as a child of God, I am priceless.

The interview involving the Duke and Duchess of Sussex with Oprah Winfrey seemed to rock the world. But as I sat there listening to the encounters of racial prejudice in one of the highest and most respected families of the world, the thought came to me: It did not matter that it was royalty; bigotry knows no class.

There were times that I did clinch when I heard them recount the tale of concern for the skin color of their unborn children. I clinched not because I was surprised at what was said but because I’ve heard it before. Brother’s future in-laws were are highly concerned about the color of their future grandchildren. My mother once told me to think of my children’s color if I had any with a tall, handsome, and very dark man I was once dating. The color of one’s skin seems to be a marker that the world delineates your social status in this life.

And so, I know that I do not have the capacity, resources, or miraculous power to un-blind people from the misogyny of the devil himself. But what I do have is the assurance from the word of God that I am loved with an everlasting love, and with loving-kindness does God pull me into Himself (Jeremiah 31:3). I know that when the choice had to be made, God chose me, the Black Woman, over God (John 3:16). Did you catch that? I am worth more than the life of God to God!

So, let the people who have NO say on my eternal life be concerned about my sex and the color of my skin. I’m looking for a city, a country, a world whose builder and maker is God (Hebrews 11:10). Until I can cross those golden streets, I’ll rest in the green pastures (Psalm 23:2) that God leads me to, and rest in His description of me.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalm 23 KJV

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Day 189

Recently I received a comment about the recent trajectory that this devotional blog seems to be heading. The concern was echoed that it seems to concentrate less on the former Biblical stories and more on race and racism. I must admit, at first I had gotten really defensive. But as I thought about it, I began to see what they were talking about. My blogs were taking a different direction then it was previously. And I am so glad that it has. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, and due to it being a hereditary anomaly, it required me to have regular visits to a doctor to get checked and have biopsies for my health. Let me be honest with you, it was really uncomfortable the first time I went in and they gave me a paper gown and asked me to strip. As I sat in the room, a chill went over me, and it was not from the draft of the A/C unit. What if they found something? Could I have cancer too? The only way to find out was for the doctor to do a full-on inspection of my exposed body.

My first biopsy was on my foot (that one hurt a lot). Then I had another on my arm and so on, and that has been my life for the last few years. But I am aware, I do my own checks in between my visits. I feel for abnormal lumps in my breast, and I check myself because I have a higher percentage of dying from something that does not make an announcement that it is here, and has been inherited. And so I see this blog as doing the same thing. Hopefully, people are uncomfortable when they read this blog. Hopefully, it challenges their current points of view and forces them to do a full-on inspection of their exposed soul before God. Because many of our hidden biases are inherited: Behold, I was shapen in iniquity.” Psalm 51:5.

But there’s a cure! Jesus came to save us from our sins, not in our sins. He made the religious leaders of His day uncomfortable all the time. He was attempting to show them where they had erred, and how desperately He wanted to give them life: You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” John 5:39-40. Talk about missing the forest for the trees! But those who were in bondage and oppressed, those who were suffering and had broken hearts, those who were poor, rejoiced to hear His words of truth.

I will admit that in reading some of the words of Christ I struggle. Especially the ones where He tells me to love my enemies and to do good to those that hate you (Luke 6:27). And He and I have gone back and forth, and it was a burden that I carried for years. I’ve spoken about my past abusive relationship before. And it was so hard for me to forgive the man who said he loved me, but then would beat me. It was difficult for me to pray for the men who molested me. But God clearly let me know that this was not beneficial for my growth in Him or in this world.

And with tears and a broken heart, I finally gave Him the hate that I had grown attached to and identified with. Trust me, it did not happen overnight. In fact, it has taken decades (for He’s still working on me and with me). So when I see that I live in a time and place where cancer and abuse are happening, I cannot remain silent. Are the blogs becoming unpatriotic? If you think so I am afraid you are seriously mistaken. Freedom of speech and dissent are the bedrock of this nation. This great experiment which is discussed in the Bible in Revelation chapter 12 and 13, has allowed the gospel to spread like wildfire. But for some time we have put out the flames of the Gospel. This is a problem according to Jesus: For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see.” Revelation 3:17-18.

Jesus is calling us out. We have gotten so comfortable in this lukewarm state (Rev. 3:16), that we get easily offended if anyone tells us that we have walked off the path of right doing. People get offended and easily triggered by words that stir up their conscious. If this blog does this for you, Bless the name of the LORD! I am so excited and humbled. Because you have an opportunity to ask God to: Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Psalm 139:23-24. That means that the love of God is standing outside of your heart and is knocking to come on in (Rev. 3:20). Open the door and let Him in. Let Him fully inspect your exposed soul and perhaps conduct a biopsy or two off before these hidden ideas and feelings develop into dangerous cancers which only lead to death. Instead, come to Jesus so that you may live and have eternal life!

Day 188

There’s a musical artist who goes by the name John Legend. In 2013 he released the song entitled “All of Me.” In the music video, he sings the song with his wife present as his “muse.” The song is a very romantic type ballad that focuses on each individual party giving their all to the other. So it had me thinking, have you ever loved someone so much that you were willing to give them yourself, or give up anything it took to be with them? I mean anything. Would you be willing to give up your independence? I ask, because when you enter into a relationship with someone, and the goal is to be faithful, you close yourself off from others in order to be with just one. This is one way in which you show your love. So within the freedom to love someone, there are limitations that are self-imposed, because love without action does not exist.

We know that God gave because He loved us. And He gave all. Essentially He sang “I give My all to you” as the lyrics of John Legend’s song states. But the other half of that verse is: You give your all to me.” And I think that is where we stumble in our relationships. Of course, God gives His all to us! We know this through the sacrifice of Jesus. But for us to give our all to Him? We usually have stipulations. Now it really shouldn’t be that way, because He is the One that has more to lose by attaching Himself to creaturs that are fickle and filled with sinful and lustful desires. That say we love Him but hate our brethren. How can the two reconcile? The Bible says that it cannot: If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” 1 John 4:20.

Can you imagine someone sitting in church listening to a sermon and the Reverend is quoting from Matthew 22: Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40. That you say “Amen” to that verse, say goodbye to the church members and then go home and whip or rape your neighbour, who you happen to “own” on your plantation. I mean the ideology is absolutely insane!

But you consider yourself a good Christian, an apt follower of Christ? How is that possible? How could you sit in your church pew that was probably built by slaves and think that somehow God would be okay with you dismantling the lives of others in order to remain comfortable in yours? The chickens of America’s past are coming come to roost, and they are angry and fed up. And what many people do not know, is that in order to keep people enslaved, meant you had to destroy an idea of freedom. In 1804 the once enslaved people of Haiti had become the ONLY successful slave rebellion in history in the western hemisphere. When the people of Haiti proved that Black people could unite and demand and fight for their freedom, America stepped in to punish them for their attempt to be seen as human: Western policies have been punishing Haiti ever since for winning its independence” (Cinicinnati.com).

And you may ask yourself, why? Why punish people for wanting to be free? When the colonists cried out “Taxation without Representation” to England as a high crime, they still had a country where they limited all freedoms to other human beings who cried for “Freedom”. Listen to what Professor Bogues states was the central problem for the White Western world when the Haitians gained their independence: “The problem was not politics or commerce. The central issue was the not to have the specter of blacks ruling themselves,” said Barrymore Bogues, professor of Africana Studies and director of the Center for the Study of Slavery and Justice at Brown University. “The fragile example of ex-slaves ruling themselves, the Western powers had to make sure it failed.” (Cinicinnati.com).

I won’t get into how the United States illegally aided the French into bankrupting the newly formed country of freed people and has stifled its growth since it’s inception, you can look that up for yourself. But it was important for me to share with you that it was a “Christian” nation that did all these terrible things to others. And just because you claim to be one thing, if you do not act like it, you are a liar. Also, the government of mankind looks nothing like the government of God. The God of love, who gave ALL of Himself for you and for me. He created ALL people free and from one blood (Acts 17) and He shed His blood for ALL people. When we think that we can continue to live life unbothered by the pain surrounding us, we cannot have an honest relationship with the Creator and giver of Life. You cannot call yourself a Christian. Jesus gave up His life so that you and I would be free from the chains of death which enslave us to sin. What are you willing to give up for Him? Can you give some of your time to help those in need? Can you give your money to aid those who have been systematically oppressed? Can you give your voice to those who have been silenced? Can you give your love, which requires action, to the least of these; and in turn give your all to Him? I’m sure you can, but will you?

Day 187

I was watching a video on YouTube and this woman said that “the Universe does not know anything about negativity. So what you say returns to you. So speak positive words” or something of the like. And I know that they “Universe” is made up of matter and energy but there is One who created the universe and the Bible tells me that He sings over me, in fact He does a lot more than that: The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17. But the Bible does speak on something similar to what the lady mentioned about what you say returning to you, so let’s talk about that.

Galatians 6 is the final chapter in the letter from Paul to the church members of Galatia. Every letter that he wrote to a specific region was also specific to their issues and situations. Jesus also did this in the book of Revelation chapters 2 and 3, in the segment known as the Letters to the Seven Churches. In the second third of that letter to the Galatians Paul states: Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” Galatians 6:7. This is a well-known verse, but what is the context of this poignant line, that arrests our attention? The closing remarks of his letter begin like this: Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2.

Paul does not just say “if anyone is caught in any transgression…restore him in a spirit of gentleness” as a passerby. He actually lives what he preaches. Earlier in the book of Galatians, Paul has a confrontation with a brother in the faith. And was not just any brother, it was Peter, the disciple who witnessed the transfiguration, death, and resurrected Lord Jesus. Yet when Peter had erred, Paul did not ignore it because it was an uncomfortable situation, no he approached Peter in order to restore him, and not allow him to wallow in transgression and sin. Listen to the words that Paul wrote: But when Cephas [Peter] came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party. And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas [Peter] before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”” Galatians 2:11-14.

Paul understood the influence that sin had. I mean I think we all do. Eve sinned and influenced her husband to do the same, and here we are, 6000 years later. The issue that Paul was running into, was that Peter was behaving a hypocritical because of others that were around, which led to those who saw Peter’s actions to do the same, even leading Barnabas (a faithful follower of Christ) to be lead astray from the GOSPEL. And Paul could have remained quiet and not rocked the boat, but he stood up for the disenfranchised and those being prejudiced against by the religious leaders. Because just as he states that we should “restore him in a spirit of gentleness,” Paul also throws in a very dangerous yet true statement: Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Galatians 6:1.

In his letter, he mentions by name Peter and Barnabas that had been tempted and fell into the all familiar pit of racial segregation. Peter would not eat with “Gentiles” because they were considered beneath the Jews, in the first century. And if this issue was going on 2000 years ago, what are the chances that it goes on today? The difference with Peter and Paul is that Paul was willing to: Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” Galatians 6:2-3. Because telling someone that what they are doing is wrong, especially in front of others that they are doing it in front of, IS a burden. It is not a good feeling to tell a leader that what they are doing is out of step with the Gospel of Christ, in which they are supposed to be preaching, teaching, and representing. But because Paul was so committed to the Gospel and so in step with the Spirit of God, he did the right thing which also happened to be uncomfortable. And because Peter who had denied Christ before, recognized that Paul was stating the truth, in love, he took the chastisement or the “calling out” in love and in strides. After all, it was Peter who said: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8.

Day 180

When I was younger and attended a Christian Church school, I recall my teachers telling me of the curse of Ham in the Bible. It goes something like this: “Cursed be Canaan;
a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers.” Genesis 9:25. Canaan was actually the son of Ham, who was the son of Noah, who pronounced the curse. And for years, I believed what was told to me: Black people are the descendants of Ham and so are cursed to be servants throughout generations. This was a way that my White teachers explained to me, biblically my place in society. That although slavery was a terrible thing from the past, it was destined to occur because we were cursed as a people. And you know what, I took that and swallowed it whole. Because why else would Black people be treated so poorly throughout the entire world?
So for almost 3 decades I carried this weight in my chest, and when I saw Black people being abused, the burden continued to be added, but I remained silent because Noah was a servant of God and pronounced a curse that God must have approved. Thank God, I read the Bible for myself when I was in my late 30’s, and more recently I was a part of a Bible study discussion that spoke truth to power, and dear God, the burden has been lifted! So perhaps I can enlighten not only your mind today, but also lighten the load you carry about false narratives in the scriptures and of the character of God.

So after the flood, there were 4 families: Noah + 3 sons and all their wives. God gave them the same directive He gave Adam and Eve “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” Genesis 9:1. Towards the end of chapter 9 something hanky goes on between Noah and his son Ham. Apparently, Noah enjoyed a pitcher of wine or two, and Ham must have done something that was so abhorrent that when Noah woke up from his drunken stupor he prophesied that Ham’s children, because of the wickedness their father was perfecting in his own character would perpetuate in the character of his children. You can read about it in Genesis chapter 9.

This curse, which we mentioned earlier is what Christiandom has been pedaling as the reason as to why Black people should be subjugated to other races, especially the White race. Now Genesis chapter 10 gives the “nations” of the world that came from Noah’s 3 sons. And I want to share some of it with you: The sons of Ham: Cush, Egypt, Put, and Canaan.” Genesis 10:6. Okay, so Ham had 4 notable sons, and ONE of them received the “curse”, which was actually the foretelling of Canaan’s nature and what his rebellion was eventually lead to.  What else can we find about Canaan? I’m glad you asked:  Canaan fathered Sidon his firstborn and Heth, and the Jebusites, the Amorites, the Girgashites, the Hivites, the Arkites, the Sinites, the Arvadites, the Zemarites, and the Hamathites. Afterward, the clans of the Canaanites dispersed. And the territory of the Canaanites extended from Sidon in the direction of Gerar as far as Gaza, and in the direction of Sodom, Gomorrah, Admah, and Zeboiim, as far as Lasha.” Genesis 10:15-19. All these names and NOT one of them have to do with Africa or Black people. Interesting.

But here is some information from the website entitled Bible Archeology Report: Cush extended from southern Egypt into much of Sudan on modern maps. This nation was named after Cush, one of Ham’s sons, one of Noah’s grandsons (Gn 10:6).  His descendants moved into the region of Nubia, and became the dark-skinned people known to this day as Nubians. (Windle, 2018).” Well, look what modern technology in the form of archeology tells us. But wait there’s more! The Bible told us over 3500 years ago! Yes, the Israelites had problems with the CANAANITES, in the land of Canaan. They were NOT the individuals from the land of Cush or Put. Modern-day Put () is in the continent of Africa, and low and behold, so are Cush and guess where Egypt is… You guessed it, Africa. But Canaan was not. Canaan was different. And just in case we need more information, the Jewish Virtual Library Encyclopedia Judacia states the following: Cush was the name of an ancient kingdom in N.E. Africa. The portion of the Nile Valley between the First and Sixth Cataracts was called Cush by the pharaonic Egyptians, though western nations preferred the Greek appellation Nubia. One of the earliest mentions of the name Cush is found on an inscription of the early Middle Kingdom (c. 1970 B.C.E.). During the second millennium B.C.E. Cush was absorbed into the Egyptian empire, first as far as the Second Cataract under the Middle Kingdom rulers and then as far as the Sixth by the New Kingdom pharaohs” (Jewish Virtual Library Encyclopedia, 2008).

All this proof existed that I was not a cursed individual who was a burden to society because my great ancestors were wicked. No, instead I am a child of God whom He loves with an everlasting love. He says: Now this is what the LORD says—He who created you…and He who formed you…: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine!” Isaiah 43:1. Did you hear that? God says that I am His, and He calls me by my name. And that name is beloved, not cursed. I don’t know what lie people have stated over your life. What sin of your parents they have committed to you, or what stigma the world paints over your character. What I do know, is that you are not what they say you are, but instead you are His, and He has redeemed you, He calls you by your name: and I will call her ‘My Beloved” Romans 9:25. STOP believing the lies proclaimed about you, and start listening to the One who calls you His Beloved.

Day 179

When you go to purchase a home or rent an apartment you are typically required to remit a down payment or a security deposit. This provides surety for the asset one is attempting to acquire. This is not a new way of conducting business transactions. Two thousand years ago, God also placed a down payment on your life. But it did not cost Him a fraction or percentage of what He desired, instead, it cost Him everything. God gave up His life as the most incomprehensibly priceless down payment just so you and I can have eternal life. And the down payment is non-refundable. So, my question is: how invested do you think Jesus is in you?

We live in a world that is not going to last much longer. And excentric billionaires know this. Because they have dedicated an unprecedented amount of their own money to the next frontier, space. The way that human beings’ greed have mined the planet of its’ natural resources, how we have abused the home God gave us, speaks volumes of the mistreatment of the gifts of God. Paul speaks of another gift, in Ephesians chapter 2. Here he tells us: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Eph. 2:8-10.

Paul tells us that we have been saved, or that salvation has been purchased for us, through the death of Jesus. And the text states that it is nothing of your own doing, it is a gift of God. One of the ways that Americans acquire wealth is through homeownership. Families would pass their homes to their children. And their children’s children. By then, the home would have been paid off and the recipient of the home would have started life without having to pay off one of the greatest debts in society, they would have a home free and clear. And there was nothing that they did to deserve it or work for it. Now this beautiful story was really only applicable to white or caucasian Americans. Because the United States government instituted and perpetuated poverty and segregation of Black Americans. You can read the 2017 NPR segment entitled: A ‘Forgotten History’ of How the U.S. Government Segregated America,” for yourself and see how the government through their laws and banks purposefully “redlined” neighborhoods which contained Black Americans in them.

But Paul tells us in Ephesians that there is no separation of grace for those who are Black or White, or for Jew or Gentile. In fact, he says: For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone” Eph. 2:18-20. For a nation stating “In God, we trust” we certainly have not lived like it. When politicians state “God bless America” they were not including the ones who worked to build it, but the ones who were profiting from the backs of free forced labor. I know that I am blessed to be an American, and I thank God that I was born in a country who in its writings and foundation agreed that all men are created equal. But in practice are unable to uphold its beautiful scripted words. Thomas Jefferson, who quite eloquently penned the majority of the Declaration of Independence, owned almost 1000 slaves. He who became the third president of the nation he helped form, could not abide by the words that he wrote.

Thomas Jefferson was quoted stating that slavery was: a “moral depravity” and “a hideous blot,” but continued to hold human beings as property his entire adult life” (Monticello). And although Mr. Jefferson spoke a good game, he could not will himself to walk the talk. And the reality is that America has never been able to either. But you know who can walk the talk, and did so when He literally walked and talked here on earth? You guessed it, the ONE who sacrificed His life for you. The One placed that downpayment so that you could have eternal life. You can believe Him because “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?” Numbers 23:19.

And He wants you to be a part of Him, His life, His legacy, regardless of the color of your skin, or your gender. You are priceless to Him. And for those of us that were blocked from the ability to acquire wealth or have decent homes because of the color of our skin, Jesus says: “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” John 14:1-3. He wants you with Him. Jesus has invested too much into you to lose you. This world may not be able to see your true wealth or your worth, but to God, you are priceless, because that’s what you cost Him. And if no one has told you in a while, it’s important that you know that you are loved. And you can take that to the bank.

Day 159

What is my Chrisitan Duty during any type of crisis? Micah 6:8 tells me: He hath shown thee, O man, what is good: and what doth the Lord require of thee but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” Solomon tells me: Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13. The Bible does not see a difference between those two commands. Because essentially the commandments of God according to Jesus is to: Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40. How do I personally reconcile these attributes with the pain in my heart?

Early this morning I received a message from an acquaintance. It would be weird to call her a friend because technically she’s the friend of my best friend. But we’ve traveled internationally together on vacation, but don’t really communicate pass the occasional social media post. But today, when she sent me that message, I was dumbfounded because she did what no other person (besides my best friend, who is Filipino), and a co-worker (who is Hispanic) had done since this eruption of the reality of Black lives came to the forefront of people’s consciousness. And As I sat staring out of my home office window, I felt the blood beginning to boil in my chest. Why hadn’t any of the White people who claimed to care for me, love me, and support me, come out and say anything? Why hadn’t they reached out to me to see how I was doing? Did it have to do with their uncomfortableness in the situation, to see what they have been blinded to their entire life, being thrust upon them? What about White fragility? And why should I care since I’m the one impacted?!

Last week my organization had a Zoom meeting to “talk about it” and opened it up to anyone within the organization’s community capping it at 100 participants. During the conversation, one of the white women spoke about her uncomfortableness in not knowing what to say and how it affects her psyche. I am so glad that my video was not visible, because I literally rolled my eyes, like “THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL!” It was a time for her to shut her mouth and just listen for once. It was supposed to be a safe space for minorities to express their fears and daily realities. But who wants to go after a white woman expressing her fears? To me, it seemed to illegitimatize the entire purpose of the meeting.

Needless to say, I poured out my frustrations to God, because what safe space has been created for me to do so? I have been categorized as the “Angry Black Woman” before when I was just expressing my frustrations. I have been labeled aggressive when my white counterparts expressing the same type of tenacity have been congratulated and donned as assertive individuals. A safe space has never been created for me to be myself. And so I told God that I’m over it. I’m tired of keeping up this facade to make others feel comfortable because my Blackness is seen as a weapon, instead of something to be celebrated. I was done placating.

And then my Father spoke to me, in the middle of my tears, in the quietness of the room, He stilled my restless spirit. He told me that: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]” Jeremiah 1:5. And as the tears rolled down my face, I heard Him tell me that my path was one directed by Him, and that what may look like a weakness to others was strength in His eyes. He asked me why I hadn’t done what had crossed my mind when it did. And I did not want to think about it. But gently He asked me why I hadn’t reached out to the White people in my life, and why was I waiting for them to reach out to me?

And I was like “REALLY GOD?” They should reach out to me, I’m not reaching out to them, it makes no sense. I’M NOT IN THE WRONG! THEY ARE. Then He said, “I know.” And I was like, that’s it? He whispered that I was created in His image (Genesis 1:26) and that He had redeemed me for His own by the blood of His Son (1 Corinthians 6:20), so I was called to react differently towards those who seemed to have wronged me or were nonchalant towards my pain because it’s what He did: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. The Greek word for sinners here is hamarltolon, which means: sinning, sinful, depraved, detestable. God showed me that while I was still in the midst of my sin, depraved and detestable, that Christ still humbled Himself and sought me out. And since I was created in His image, I should do the same. But in His mercy, He tells me that I do not have to do this alone: But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:19a. Well if that is the case, I supposed I am able to declare as Paul: Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:19b.

Day 151

Tonight’s devotional will not be long. But I hope that the truth of this topic penetrates deep in your soul.

Today I watched news clip after clip of anger, frustration, and hopelessness be acted out in protest outlined with an inferno of rage. People have been locked up in their homes for months due to a disease that has ravaged the world, families who have lived paycheck to paycheck for over a generation are now furloughed and unable to feed their families or take care of their basic necessities, and then with no end in sight to get back to normal, in broad daylight a man is murdered on the streets of America by those who have been sworn to protect and serve, their victim. And so the straw that broke the camel’s back has also burned the streets of America.

I suffer from stifling tears as I watched the video that shocked the world, but not my reality. Being Black and living in a country that has always seen you as a 3rd class citizen, is devastatingly painful. Knowing that you will never be good enough or White enough to fit into the portion of society where safety is not hoped and prayed for, but a part of everyday life. And I pray and ask God “WHAT ARE WE TO DO?” And this is what He has to say:
He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
Except to be just, and to love [and to diligently practice] kindness (compassion),
And to walk humbly with your God [setting aside any overblown sense of importance or self-righteousness]?” – Micha 6:8.

How am I to do that in this world? To do what You require of me by being just, love kindness and mercy, and to walk humbly before you? He says through His word:
Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
“If you take away the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
If you extend your soul to the hungry
And satisfy the afflicted soul,
Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
The Lord will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. – Isaiah 58:6-11.

What about those who do not practice this but call themselves followers of Christ! About those who keep silent when the oppressed cry out? God tells me:
Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to Me on that day [when I judge them], ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, and driven out demons in Your name, and done many miracles in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them publicly, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me [you are banished from My presence], you who act wickedly [disregarding My commands].’” – Matthew 7:21-23.

What about in the meantime? What about the pain and suffering. What are we to do about that? The righteous anger that burns in our hearts? What about that God?
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19.

So I will trust you because You have said that You will take care of it. So, Jesus, I’m waiting, we’re all waiting on You.