Week 9

There’s something special about the beauty of music and the lyrics which soothe our souls. There’s a song written by Ben E. King entitled “Stand by Me.” The beginning of the lyrics are as followed:

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we’ll see
No, I won’t be afraid
Oh, I won’t be afraid
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me.
– King

The song is a beautiful reminder that, at times, our surroundings may be intimidating, that our situations may provide opportunities for fear, but everything can still be okay. And what makes everything “okay” is the presence of the One you love standing by me. I think that this song’s lyrics are perfect for those on their journey in this life with God.

When Jesus first address the crowds in Matthew chapter 5, there are thousands of anticipated people waiting to hear the Gospel from the One who was the Messiah: And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying: “Blessed are the poor in spirit…Blessed are those who mourn…Blessed are the meek…” Matthew 5:1-5. NKJV.

Here was the promised Messiah, the answer to the problem of the seemingly unreconcilable rift between God and man, speaking in apparent riddles. How can one be happy if they are poor? Or happy if you are mourning? In each instance, Jesus provided comfort for those who were poor, mourning, meek. He told them that those who were poor in spirit that theirs was the kingdom of heaven, those who mourned, He promised they would be comforted, and the meek would inherit the earth.

But how would all these things happen amid the issues and trials that the poor, mourning, meek souls were facing? The lyrics of that song explain it quite well: When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the mood is the only light we’ll see. No, I won’t be afraid, oh, I won’t be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me” (King). But instead of the moon, we have the “Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in His wings” Malachi 4:2 KJ21.

And while people think that life for a follower of Jesus should be smooth sailings, He clearly never stated that it ever would be like that on this planet. That doesn’t mean that we live in constant fear and disarray. He told us that issues would occur in this life and that at times we would even disappoint Him, but He tells us not to be afraid because He will stand by us forever (Matthew 28:20).

Week 4

Being apart of something greater gives us a sense of belonging. Human beings are desperate to belong to someone or something. This is why we have “friends” and “groups” on social media platforms. Isolation is a punishment used in penal systems, educational systems, and parenting methods. The idea of being separated from the group is not just a physical abandonment; it is a mental and spiritual one. This is perhaps why representation is such an essential aspect of the human narrative. A week ago, I saw someone like me take the highest office a woman has ever held within the USA government. Showing what brown girls everywhere can do. But there was ONE whose representation meant that I could have eternal life. And that means everything to me.

Jesus could have come as Himself: The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His nature, upholding all things by His powerful word. After He had provided purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high.” Hebrews 1:3 BSB. He who came unto nothing, said something, and created everything could have come as the Almighty Himself, and that would have been great. But I couldn’t relate to Him, and neither could you.

God coming as a human is still something that I cannot fully grasp. But the fact that He is now apart of the human family for all of eternity, I can understand. I get that God understands what it means to be hungry: And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.” Matthew 4:2 KJV. He knows how it feels to get angry at injustices happening all around Him by people who were supposed to represent the love of God to others: So He made a whip out of cords and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle. He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those selling doves He said, “Get these out of here! How dare you turn My Father’s house into a marketplace!” John 2:15-16 BSB.

He knows what it feels like to lose someone that He loved: Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how He loved him!” John 11:35-36 BSB. He knows the pain of rejection (Matthew 21:42), denied by His best friend (Luke 22:54-61), betrayed (Luke 22:48), and what it feels like to be left alone (Mark 14:50), even what it feels like to be abandoned by His Father: My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46.

He did all of this, suffered all of this for one reason: looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who in view of the joy lying before Him endured the cross, having despised its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 BLB.

That “joy” that was before Him was you and me, never having to go through the things which we must endure for a little while, for now. John got a glimpse of Christ’s joy: After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands” Revelation 7:9 KJV.

What happened on January 20th, 2021, was a beautiful brown woman representing colored girls and women everywhere. What happened 2000 years ago was a beautiful, loving Savior representing “whomsoever” (John 3:16) desiring to have eternal life.

Representation is important. Know that you and I are being represented in heaven by a God who would rather face death than a life without you.

Day 354

Your perspective sets the perimeter for your interactions in this life. Today I heard a sermon by a powerful young man. His power came from the richness of the text of scripture and by the enabling of the Holy Spirit. He discussed an event in Matthew 15 about the woman of Tyre also known as the Phoenician woman or the Canaanite woman. She doesn’t get her name recorded in the scriptures, but her faith was written down in the annals of time for all history.

We don’t know her name, but in the Hebrew mindset it might as well have been “Persistence.” You see the names given to the Hebrew people represented their character or lot in life. A famous example would be Jacob. His birth story is recorded as him grabbing the heel of his brother while still in the womb. For that, he was called “Deceiver” or “Trickster” or Jacob. He was branded untrustworthy from birth. So he lived up to his preconceived reputation. But when God got a hold of him in Genesis 32 his name changed from “One who deceives” to “One who overcomes.”

This woman was from a region that was detestable in the eyes of the Jews. Her entire nation was one that they looked down upon, one that they would avoid at all costs. I’m sure she was used to being called all sorts of names. She probably didn’t have a man in her life, because she was the one chasing Jesus down the street. Making a fool of herself before the King.

It says that she begged Him, crying out to Him making a scene. She had to do whatever it took to get the attention of the One she called “O Lord, Son of David.” That name means Master, Messiah. While Master or Lord is a general name for a leader, the phrase “Son of David” is strictly Jewish terminology. And when He answered her, He fed into her knowledge of who she knew He was: I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” Matthew 15:24.

Israel as a nation was created from the backs of slaves. Those who were called terrible names by other masters who suppressed their freedoms and oppressed them. God set them free and then called them to be a light to the rest of the world, but they lost their calling, they forgot their name.

And the fact that Jesus said “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel” yet the scripture says He went out of His way to this specific place, should cause us to stop and think for a minute. There is more than meets the eye. Jesus who was in step with the Holy Spirit was directed to go to where she found Him: And Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon.” Matthew 15:21.

Why go somewhere if you don’t care for the people, place, or priorities of those who live there? He went there so she could find Him. I wonder, how many different places has Jesus gone so that we could find Him? Sometimes we find ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. Or shattered and broken we realized that we have hit rock bottom. I want you to know that Jesus is there. Waiting for you. And maybe others might not know your situation or your name, but He does.

No, the Bible does not record her name, but her name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. All because she dared cried out to the Master, to the Messiah, to the One named Jesus: you are to give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21. Who exactly were the “His people?” According to Luke 3:23-38, the complete genealogy of Jesus includes the first man, Adam.

So “His people” are you and me, the Israelites and the Canaanite woman. He came to die for us all to set us all free. And when we had messed up as a people and sinned, He came down to the Garden and called out to Adam who represents all of us. And made Himself available.

I may not know your name, and we may never meet on this side of the Jordan. But He knows your name, He knows your situation and He will make Himself available to you. There isn’t a territory He wouldn’t cross over to save you. If He did it for a woman who He “happen to just meet”, what do you think He’ll do for you who He says: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart…” Jeremiah 1:5.

There isn’t a place you can go where He can’t find you. David knew that: If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” Psalm 139:8. So don’t be ashamed to cry out to Him to tell Him what your soul so desperately desires. Because Jesus is walking in your neighborhood, wanting to be found by you.

Day 236

I was watching a few makeover videos. Each video was approximately no more than 2-3 minutes (if it was longer I just skipped through it). I really liked seeing the attitudes of the people, their perspectives about themselves change. The physical transformation was nice, but it was the internal light that switched on in their eyes, that made the watching so enjoyable. Most of the transformations were women. Older caucasian women who had spent the better parts of their lives taking care of others, their husbands, children, grandchildren, and their homes. And in the middle of taking care of everyone else, they lost themselves. Each of these women were beautiful in their own right, but after the makeover, they were able to see what everyone else saw all along. Now, some people, post the makeover, took me completely off guard, they didn’t even look like the same person, but they were happy. The makeovers weren’t “extreme.” They involved some hair coloring, cut and style, makeup and sometimes a new wardrobe. Before each makeover the women go through an interview process. During which they explain why they feel like they need to be made to feel beautiful again. Some women came from other parts of the world to experience this transformation. And I wondered, how far would we go to be changed.

While all the physical transformations that I saw happened over the span of a few hours, the spiritual transformations in someone’s life may take a lifetime. Paul, a brilliant yet conflicted soul once said: For what I do, I do not understand. For what I want, this I do not do; but what I hate, this I do.” Romans 7:15. Here he was expressing his frustration of being in the flesh while trying to live in the Spirit. He again is the one who said “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1. And it is the power of God that actually changes and transforms us. But it does not take a couple of hours in a salon with a team of people working on you while you just sit and get pampered. No, a spiritual transformation takes hard work from the one getting transformed as well.

A spiritual transformation is more like a lifestyle adjustment than a one-stop-shop. Because even though those women looked fabulous after their makeover, the very next day when they do not have access to the same team, they will different. Perhaps not as radiant on the outside because they no longer have access to the professionals. But when it’s a lifestyle adjustment, you have a coach or personal trainer who provides you with the tools to get to where you want to be. And that’s hard.

I had 2 of the most AMAZING trainers who helped me lose over 30 pounds, but helped me find myself. The issue was, when I no longer had them in my life on a consistent basis, I gained all the weight back, and some. I’ve tried to bring to remembrance what they had taught me, but it is different when you have someone who is going on the journey with you, step by step, day by day. When I was feeling vulnerable, I could easily call one and we would talk about my choices, and come to the realization of which choice would get me closer to my goal. And believe it or not, this is what God does for us through the power of the Holy Spirit.

He tells us to call on Him and He will answer: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.‘” Jeremiah 33:3. God wants to help us, step by step, day by day in this life. This is how we achieve the spiritual transformation that will change us for eternity: “The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter and brighter until midday.” Proverbs 4:18.

Sometimes, I wish I could call on the guys to workout with them and come up with food plans once again, to help me achieve my best self. But that train has past and is gone, but, God’s train hasn’t left. And we never need to feel embarrassed when we mess up. The book of Psalm tells us that the righteous, the children of God that: “They go from strength to strength, until each appears before God in Zion.” Psalm 84:7. So know that if you are looking for a transformation that will change more than just your physical appearance, try God’s makeover plan. It’s an eternal transformation that will impact you, well, forever.

Day 226

Recently I was scrolling on Instagram, because why not. And I came across a post that stopped me in my tracks. It was from Pastor and author Ty Gibson. His post was about an event that happened to him. He heard a song and the artist was a woman singing: If you hold me without hurting me, you’ll be the first who ever did.” He said that when he heard those lyrics that tears began to pool in his eyes. I looked up the artist, her name is Lana Del Rey, and the song is entitled Cinnamon Girl. The song (you can listen here) is almost a pleading from one person to another. Begging for intimacy without being violated. Is that even possible? Tonight we’ll take a look and see a group of women who were loved, held and instead of hurt found healing. All in the arms of One named Jesus.

I’ve shared with you before my story about the relationship that I had when I was younger. And it boggles the mind how in one moment you could find passionate embraces, and in the other a fist to the face. But not all wounds inflected are physical. Most of the damage I suffered from that illicit relationship had to do with the emotional scars that I carry still today. And there is one woman in the Bible who not only carried the emotional battle scars from her past, but also the spiritual baggage which stopped her from living her life. Her name was Mary. And for the majority of her young adult life, she went looking for the promise of love in the arms of one man to the next.

Once she was caught in adultery and she was supposed to be stoned, per the law of the land. But one Man stood and protected her from the punishment of death, although she must have felt she had died a thousand times before. This event is recorded in John chapter 8. The woman was “caught” in the act but the man was let go. Why is that? Why is that the women suffer the punishment for crimes or ill-gotten relationships that are often committed between 2 parties, only 1 primarily suffers, and it is the female. While the man was free to go, perhaps even in the crowd with a stone ready to attribute to her death, Jesus stepped in and saved her. And it wasn’t the last time that He would.

Listen to what is being said in Luke 8: Soon afterward, Jesus began going around from one city and village to another, preaching and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The twelve [disciples] were with Him, and also some women who had been healed of evil spirits and diseases: Mary, called Magdalene [from the city of Magdala in Galilee], from whom seven demons had come out, and Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household steward, and Susanna, and many others who were contributing to their support out of their private means [as was the custom for a rabbi’s disciples].” Luke 8:1-3. Did you see that? This woman had 7 demons that He cast out from her.

I wholeheartedly believe those are the demons that imposed upon her after she had intertwined her soul with other men. And each time Jesus would step in and heal her. And He did not want anything from her but wanted everything for her. And she was not alone. It said that Joanna a married woman and another woman named Susanna and others were following Jesus as He preached the good news and doing whatever they could to support His ministry. And Jesus showed that He did not need their money. Once He had Peter get money from the mouth of a fish (Matthew 17:27), another time He fed 5000 men not including women and children with a boy’s lunch (Matthew 14:13-21). But He allowed them to give what they had because it was the best way that they could show their gratitude.

Women loved Jesus because He knew how to hold them and uplift them and to show them what LOVE really looked and felt like. Jesus was Love in the flesh and He was openly vulnerable and honest with them. When Mary was caught in adultery He told her that she was not condemned, and then told her to go and live a beautiful and full life inside the love and law of God. When Jesus spoke to the woman in the well in John chapter 4, He knew that she had had several husbands, and the one she was currently sleeping with was someone else’s man. But He showed her that she was worth more than a one night’s stand. She was worth the life of God.

And when Jesus was being led off to pay the price for our sins, it was those women who followed Him when all the men ran off: Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.” Matthew 27:55-56. When He died they were there, when they placed Him in the tomb they were present (Matthew 27:60-61). And when He resurrected, they were the first to go and spread the Good News of the Risen Savior: After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb.” Matthew 28:1.

It was the women who had been healed in the loving arms of Jesus that defied the odds and put aside whatever fears they may have had to go to that tomb that morning after the Sabbath while the men were still hiding out. Because they learned that: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” 1 John 4:18. And within that perfect love, God calls us into His arms, where He will hold you without hurting you, but instead provide the healing we all so desperately need.

Day 213

I believe that one of the fundamental issues people have in life is the misunderstanding of how to treat and measure value. We usually are less patient with our loved ones and our families, because we know that they will be more tolerant and forgiving of our behaviors than strangers or colleagues. We also treat other people’s things better than we treat our own. And oftentimes we are more careful with other people’s funds and monies than we are with our own financial resources. For example, the average person goes out of their way to make sure that they fill out their taxes and dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s. Because of our fear and respect towards the laws that govern our countries. But when it comes to God and money, somehow we find it okay not to take it too seriously, because God will understand. Won’t He?

Mark chapter 12 has an interesting juxtaposition when it comes to our relationship with God and money. In the first passage discussing money, Peter tells us through the writings of Mark that the scholars of the land came to seek Jesus out for a purpose. They were not looking for the saving grace which is found in Jesus Christ our Lord. No, they came with an agenda, a specific maleficent purpose: Then they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus in order to trap Him into making a statement [that they could use against Him].” Mark 12:13.

First of all, have you ever heard of anything so utterly crazy? That a group of individuals was going to gather to try and “trap” the Creator with their clever words?! Listen to God speaking to Moses in the book of Exodus: Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth?…Is it not I, the LORD?” Exodus 4:11. The very first opening scenes in the Bible explains that it is with His words that He spoke and created everything. The book of Hebrews tells us: Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.” Hebrews 11:3. There the author clearly tells us that the very words of God, in which Hebrews 1 and John 1 tell us was Jesus, is what created the foundation of all we see before us.

And yet a few guys thought that they were going to be clever and try and trick the One who created their very mouths, mind and being, into saying something to use against Him later. This must be why Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Because clearly, they had a terrible understanding of Whom they spoke to and addressed so carelessly. I mean after reading the scriptures, how can ANYONE truly say that God is a mean and heartless person. As you read the Bible, there He is, right there with us, step by step, suffering when we suffer and celebrating when we celebrate! All because He desires to be one with us, where sin will never separate love from Love again.

Well, they bring up the question and concept of something that usually has no problem dividing people. The most divisive topics are religion, politics, and money. And I really do have to give it to them, because in one question, they addressed all three: They came and said to Him, “Teacher, we know that You are truthful and have no personal bias toward anyone; for You are not influenced by outward appearances or social status, but in truth You teach the way of God. Is it lawful [according to Jewish law and tradition] to pay the poll-tax to Caesar, or not? Should we pay [the tax] or should we not pay?” Mark 12:14-15.

Right there, they did it, they brought up God, Cesar, and taxes. The trifecta of religion, politics, and money. But Jesus was not fooled by their apparent flattery nor by their devious gains. Instead, He asks to see a coin and then asks them whose name and image do they see on that coin. They answered of course it has Caesar’s name and face. So Jesus brilliantly tells them to give to Caesar what belongs to him, and give to God what belongs to Him! Mic dropped!! Listen to their reaction when He finishes speaking: And they were greatly amazed at Him.” Mark 12:17.

But now I want to briefly discuss what greatly amazed Jesus. Towards the end of the chapter, a scene occurs that had it not been for Jesus, would have been largely ignored. It is the section entitled the widow’s 2 mites. A woman, who has lost the only person who could essentially provide for her on this earth, enters into the synagogue, or church, and tries to remain unnoticed. Before her wealthy men are bringing in their tributes in the sight of all, in order to gain recognition before their fellow human beings. God was the furthest thing from their minds. They were not giving from their hearts. But there was one, who only had, in today’s equivalent 2 cents. And when she walked by and dropped her 2 cents, that one act meant more to God than the clanging of monies pouring down the treasury. Jesus said: Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, this poor widow put in [proportionally] more than all the contributors to the treasury.” Mark 12:44.

Because she gave all she had to God. Knowing that He would take care of her as He promised, she gave because that is what one does when they are created in the image of God. The image of God is other-centered love, which gives from everything that they are because that is what the Bible tells us: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son… The question is, are you ready to give God your all and only? Are you ready to love Him the way He loves you? Are you finally ready to give unto God, what belongs to God, your heart? Anyways it’s just my 2 cents.

Day 198

I recently was drinking some lemonade from a fast-food restaurant. I did not want anything else but their delicious sweet peach lemonade with a dash of Sprite. On the cup underneath its signature logo, it had the declaration “America’s Favorite Breakfast*”. The asterisk is very important because it details this sentence “They just don’t know it yet.” I often wonder, who gets to decide what is “the best” or “favorite” or “number one movie of the year”. That one really gets me, because there could be 7 number one movies out the same time. How is that possible? But there is one instance in our reality where there are multiple number ones, multiple favorites, and the issue is “they just don’t know it yet.”

In the book of Acts, there is a man who is so gung-ho to do what he has set his mind to do. His name was Saul, and he was a rising star in the Jewish community. He had been taught by the best of the best, and his intellectual discourse put people to shame. He had shown so much promise and had received high praise and favor from the Jewish leaders. He was even an apart of the elite Pharasical group, even though he did not meet all the qualifications to join. He was just that good. Everyone who was anyone wanted him to be a part of their organization. He also was a Roman citizen by birth, even though he was an Israelite by heredity. He knew the law of Moses by heart, and his driving passion was to keep the traditions and faith of his ancestors. And if that meant trampling on some people, dragging them out of their homes, torturing them, even watching them die, then if that’s what it took, that’s what it took.

On Day 35, we spoke about his conversion. How Jesus arrested his attention and how an interaction with the Son of God caused him to make a complete 180 in every aspect of his life, except his passion. That stayed forward 100%. But while Saul, who later changed his name to Paul, was behaving in such an ill-repute manner, persecuting the beloved people of God, he was going to be one of the best missionary-evangelist-author-and-apostle-of-Christ, that the world had ever seen, “he just didn’t know it yet.” You know who did know? If you guessed Jesus, then you are correct: But the Lord Jesus said to Ananias, “Go! I have chosen Saul for an important work. I want him to tell other nations, their rulers, and the people of Israel about me.” Acts 9:15.

There was this 65-year-old woman whose name meant “princess.” She was beautiful and graceful, even at an age where women were grandmothers. Kings saw her and lusted after her. She was a well-watered spring in the hot desert sun. Her husband had been called by God to go to a place that they knew not. Her nephew and his family decided to come along with them as they journeyed on an unprecedented path. Several years had passed and she realized that the joy that she so craved would never be her own. So she, being a resourceful woman, found a way where she could adopt a child. Unfortunately, that meant that her husband, a strong viral man, who was handsome in his own right, would have to sleep with a young supple virgin maid.

The nights that her husband slept with the young lady, her maid, I’m sure Sarai cried out to God. Why was this her life? When the young maid became pregnant, Sarai’s life became a hell on earth. Life continued to grow in another, with her husband’s seed, and her womb echoed the silent cries of death. Her step-son knew who his real mother was, and Sarai was not able to foster the relationship she had created in her head. It had now been 24 years since she left her husband and followed his journey with his God, her step-son was 13 years old, and life was as it always would be. But Sarai who God changed her name to Sarah from Sarai, was also going to change her life: God said to Abraham, “I will give Sarai, your wife, a new name. Her new name will be Sarah. I will bless her. I will give her a son, and you will be the father. She will be the mother of many new nations. Kings of nations will come from her.” Genesis 17:15-16. Sarah was about to be the progenitor of the most famous king of Israel, David, the wisest king on earth, Solomon, and the ancestor of the King of kings, JESUS, “she just didn’t know it yet.”

God clearly showed amazing favor on the lives of Saul/Paul and Sarai/Sarah. And yet the Bible says that God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34) meaning He doesn’t have one favorite, He has us all as His favorites. And if He was willing to do such AMAZING things in the lives of people, who could not have possibly dreamed what their life could be in their wildest imaginations, I wonder what God has in store for you, that “you just don’t know it yet.” “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him” 1 Corinthians 2:9.

Day 159

What is my Chrisitan Duty during any type of crisis? Micah 6:8 tells me: He hath shown thee, O man, what is good: and what doth the Lord require of thee but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” Solomon tells me: Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” Ecclesiastes 12:13. The Bible does not see a difference between those two commands. Because essentially the commandments of God according to Jesus is to: Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40. How do I personally reconcile these attributes with the pain in my heart?

Early this morning I received a message from an acquaintance. It would be weird to call her a friend because technically she’s the friend of my best friend. But we’ve traveled internationally together on vacation, but don’t really communicate pass the occasional social media post. But today, when she sent me that message, I was dumbfounded because she did what no other person (besides my best friend, who is Filipino), and a co-worker (who is Hispanic) had done since this eruption of the reality of Black lives came to the forefront of people’s consciousness. And As I sat staring out of my home office window, I felt the blood beginning to boil in my chest. Why hadn’t any of the White people who claimed to care for me, love me, and support me, come out and say anything? Why hadn’t they reached out to me to see how I was doing? Did it have to do with their uncomfortableness in the situation, to see what they have been blinded to their entire life, being thrust upon them? What about White fragility? And why should I care since I’m the one impacted?!

Last week my organization had a Zoom meeting to “talk about it” and opened it up to anyone within the organization’s community capping it at 100 participants. During the conversation, one of the white women spoke about her uncomfortableness in not knowing what to say and how it affects her psyche. I am so glad that my video was not visible, because I literally rolled my eyes, like “THIS IS NOT ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL!” It was a time for her to shut her mouth and just listen for once. It was supposed to be a safe space for minorities to express their fears and daily realities. But who wants to go after a white woman expressing her fears? To me, it seemed to illegitimatize the entire purpose of the meeting.

Needless to say, I poured out my frustrations to God, because what safe space has been created for me to do so? I have been categorized as the “Angry Black Woman” before when I was just expressing my frustrations. I have been labeled aggressive when my white counterparts expressing the same type of tenacity have been congratulated and donned as assertive individuals. A safe space has never been created for me to be myself. And so I told God that I’m over it. I’m tired of keeping up this facade to make others feel comfortable because my Blackness is seen as a weapon, instead of something to be celebrated. I was done placating.

And then my Father spoke to me, in the middle of my tears, in the quietness of the room, He stilled my restless spirit. He told me that: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved of you as My chosen instrument], And before you were born I consecrated you [to Myself as My own]” Jeremiah 1:5. And as the tears rolled down my face, I heard Him tell me that my path was one directed by Him, and that what may look like a weakness to others was strength in His eyes. He asked me why I hadn’t done what had crossed my mind when it did. And I did not want to think about it. But gently He asked me why I hadn’t reached out to the White people in my life, and why was I waiting for them to reach out to me?

And I was like “REALLY GOD?” They should reach out to me, I’m not reaching out to them, it makes no sense. I’M NOT IN THE WRONG! THEY ARE. Then He said, “I know.” And I was like, that’s it? He whispered that I was created in His image (Genesis 1:26) and that He had redeemed me for His own by the blood of His Son (1 Corinthians 6:20), so I was called to react differently towards those who seemed to have wronged me or were nonchalant towards my pain because it’s what He did: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. The Greek word for sinners here is hamarltolon, which means: sinning, sinful, depraved, detestable. God showed me that while I was still in the midst of my sin, depraved and detestable, that Christ still humbled Himself and sought me out. And since I was created in His image, I should do the same. But in His mercy, He tells me that I do not have to do this alone: But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:19a. Well if that is the case, I supposed I am able to declare as Paul: Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:19b.

Day 103

Have you ever had to leave someone that you really love, when you did not want to? One year, while I was in college, my parents came up to visit me for my birthday. It was a really strange birthday for me, I knew I was an adult but felt so scared and apprehensive about the future. I had to have been either 22 or 23. Whatever the case, it was Sunday and my family had to leave. My dad had work on Monday, and they really could not afford to just stay. His income was helping keep me in school. But the thought of being lonely on my birthday was eating me up inside. One of my brothers was actually attending school with me during that time. He tried to be around, but he was younger than I and did not really comprehend the angst that churned in my soul. All I knew was that I wanted, no, I needed my family to stay with me. I began crying and latched on the leg of my father, begging him not to go, but he had to, so he did. Of course, this memory triggered an event that occurred in the Bible, some 2000 years ago. So, let’s talk about it.

No one outside of her immediate family ever treated her with respect. She had a very soiled reputation. Her name was the one you’d find in the bathroom stalls with the tagline “call if you want a good time.” Once she thought that someone loved her, and wanted her for her, but it turned out to be a terrible rouse. Before the sun had come up, after he had had his fun, footsteps flooded the room where she lay. She looked, but she could not find him anywhere, she was alone, he had left her. Who else but he knew about their secret location? Could she have been followed? Mary ran all these thoughts in her head, as she was grappling for her clothes over the sea of screaming men. Before she knew it, she was being dragged out of the bedroom, through the main room and right out the front door. Dust flew all around her, and she could barely see through the crowd. She overheard them speaking about what would “He” say, and they “Got Him now!” She knew that her crime of passion’s penalty in her community, in her culture, was death by stoning. Tears began to well in her eyes, but she refused to give these men the satisfaction to see her beg for her life. She recognized some of their voices, they too had tasted her nectar, but she was the one being dragged out of bed while it was still dark. Now the sun had begun to peak over the horizon, she could see through the crowd just enough to make out where she was going, the Temple.

With one collective force, she was shoved towards the center of the outer court. There were those around a Man who stood up when she landed on the ground. She heard the gasp and the sounds of footsteps surround her. She coward in the fetal position, she knew that this was her last few moments on earth. Tears now freely streamed down her face, all she wanted was to be held, to be known, to be loved. Flashes of her life danced in her head, and pictures of her family swam in and out of her mind. How would they react when they found out that this is how their sister had died. Being the youngest, she would be the one to bring the ultimate shame to her family. She barely realized that the Man was saying something, would He be first to cast the stone? Was He talking to her? He was talking to her!

“Woman, where are those who accuse you?” His voice was so kind, and as she blinked back the tears and dust from her face, she knew she had seen Him before. She looked around, moments ago she had seen a gallery of dusty sandals with just as dust filled feet, now she saw no one, but Him. Would He be the One to condemn her? “No, one Lord?” She wasn’t sure, how she should answer. “Correct. No one is going to harm you today.” He gave her His hand and helped her stand up. He wrapped the mangled sheet around her and looked her in her face, into her eyes. She felt like He could read everything she had ever done, but there was no judgment in His eyes, only compassion. Her heart was pounding so loud she could hear it between her ears. She had never felt like this before, she had never felt known, loved, accepted. He was saying something, “You don’t have to live like this anymore. You’re free, no one is going to hurt you. Go, and sin no more.”

You can read the story that I just modernized for you in the book of John 8:1-11. Jesus was that Man who showed such compassion and grace to a woman who had been used as a ploy to try and destroy Him. Instead, He restored her. A week before He died, Jesus had been invited to a dinner party in His honor. He had healed a very well known man from the crippling disease of leprosy. During the dinner, this same woman would have been dead without His intervention, who under the law deserved the due punishment, was saved by Him. She came and anointed His head and His feet as a way to showcase her love for Him. She did not care who was there, or who was watching, all she knew, was that she had to show Him how much she loved him and appreciated Him for saving her life. As the aroma of the magnificent and expensive perfume filled the air, people began to take notice and were talking about her again. She was used to people looking down at her and talking about her, but she did not care.

Jesus stopped the gossip and the crowd. “What she is doing for me, none of you have even thought of. I came here to your house, and did you even offer me the customary washings? Or how about you, your concern is for the poor? You will have them always with you, but soon, you will not have me.” He paused, then said “Leave her alone. Wherever this gospel is preached, her story and what she has done will also be told, throughout the entire world.” You can read this part of the story in Matthew 26:6-13.

And it is fitting that when He was on the road to Golgatha, she was there along with His mother. And when He died, she was there to help wrap His body. And on Sunday morning when He resurrected, He waited for her before going to see His Father, because He knew how heartbroken she would be. He told her that He had to leave her, she clung to Him, He told her not to cling to Him because He was going to His Father, and Her Father. Then He gave her a mission: Go and tell everyone, that I AM risen!” John 20:11-18. And so goes the story of the first evangelist.

Now, 2000 years later. Jesus tells to Go and tell everyone, that I AM risen!” AND that He is coming again! The One, who died to take our place, when the law said that we deserved death, He looked at us with compassion, love, and acceptance and said “You no longer need to live a life of sin and shame. Go and sin no more. Go and live a full life. Go and tell the world your story.”