Day 353

Today my sister-friend got married. Now, I don’t have any women with who I share genetic DNA of my parents’ chromosomes; but God has blessed me with beautiful women in my life who have morphed from friends to sisters. I use the word “morph” because change took place over time. Friends have the privilege of becoming the families that we choose. And one of them got married today in the presence of her loved ones.

When she and her husband (I can’t believe it! Yesterday they were fiancé’s. What a difference a day can make!) were saying their ‘Thank Yous,’ she said something that caught my attention: Each one of you was hand-selected to be here today.”

No more than 20 people were present as these two individuals joined themselves one to another and became one. Talk about privilege! It was a beautiful ceremony and both the bride and the groom cried. It was tears of joy as they took one another’s hands and looked into the soul of the person in which they were about to enter into a covenant of eternal relational integrity.

Being one of the 20 made me feel really special. But even though it was a beautiful day (a bit chilly), and a celebratory time, their journey was more meaningful to me, than the actual day. Don’t get me wrong, without “The Day” there would be no marriage. However, the journey made this day so much more special to me.

I remember it was December several years ago when my friend told me she was “talking” to this guy. For those of you who are not familiar with this vernacular, “talking” is a loose, less formal type of courtship. The two of us had gone to a store run to pick up a few things that she needed for work. It was a Saturday night and we were hanging out, as friends/sisters do. The way that she spoke about this guy was different from anyone I had ever heard her talk about. She was giddy and happy about getting to know this man.

A few years later, her now-boyfriend, contacted me without my friend’s knowledge to “hang out.” I have a 6th sense for these things, I knew what he wanted to talk about, and my suspicions were correct, he wanted to ask her to marry him.

We discussed a plan and I had my job tucked away, I was to take her to get a manicure. It wasn’t odd to her, because sisters do things like that. A few days later she was engaged! What made it all the more wonderful was the presence of their mothers her surprise engagement.

So when it was time for her to get married, of course, I was honored to step in and help in every and any way that I could. Witnessing their commitment to one another brought me a joy that I could not explain. John the Baptist who was also the cousin of Jesus said: “He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full.” John 3:29.

John’s joy came from hearing the groom announce His love for His bride. Jesus is the Groom and we are His bride. We’re currently engaged to Him as Paul mentions: I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. For I promised you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 11:2. I get what Paul is saying. As the friend of the husband to be, you want to make sure that their future spouse stays committed only to them. If I were to see my friend or her now-husband, sneaking around and dating other people, I would be as upset as I was joyful for their union.

Paul knew that God would always be faithful, because listen to what the Lord says: “So I will betroth you to Me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in loving devotion and compassion.” Hosea 2:19. That word of loving devotion is the Hebrew word Chesed which we’ve discussed before. But simply put it’s a deep, intentional, steadfast, active, and attentive affections from one person to another. It does not change based on the person’s “feelings” but is more of a way of being towards another. And Paul understood that God would rather die than remove His Chesed from you and me.

So, as the friend of the groom, his Brother according to the word: For both the One who sanctifies and those who are sanctified are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.” Hebrews 2:11, Paul will do everything he can to make sure the couple can say “I DO” at the end.

While it was my honor and privilege to be a part of my sister’s journey down the aisle, it is my deepest joy that these last 300 plus blogs have been helping you in some way on your journey down the aisle to Him. To the One who stands at the alter as the ultimate sacrifice, placing your life before His. Who stands with His arms open wide, ready to fill you with His Chesed love for all of eternity.

I pray that one day we may meet, and I’ll be able to hear about your walk down the aisle of how you fell deeper and deeper in love with Him.

Day 339

Today God told me that He loved me. I have been feeling emotionally under the weather. I’d like to say that I can’t quite place my finger on it. But the truth is, I know exactly what has been bothering my spirit. I am struggling to be positive and happy for others. Now, please don’t misunderstand me, I’m usually the person that people call when they want to discuss and celebrate good news. Because I’m a great cheerleader. I enjoy uplifting and celebrating others, it brings me great joy. But lately, it has been a struggle and such an effort to just smile for someone.

I wondered if I was depressed. I didn’t want to say it loud because maybe it would be true. But there are days that I don’t want to eat or get out of bed, and the things that used to give me pleasure, I’m not into them right now. And I feel so terrible feeling this way. Because people are experiencing such traumatic occurrences in their lives, there’s still a pandemic raging, families are struggling during “the most wonderful time of the year.” And I’m melancholic over the happiness of others.

As a Christian, I feel like that’s a terrible place to be. With Jesus final unmolested moments with His disciples before His death, He said the following: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35.

There, in black and white (well red in my Bible) Jesus tells us that our command from God is that we love each other the way that He loves us. This is the way that people will know that we belong to Him. So my current internal behavior does not reflect the calling God has placed on my life, and I feel terrible about that too.

I keep smiling and try to muster enthusiasm for all the people around me who are struggling to capture moments of joy in this new normal. I ask Jesus to help me show His love because I can’t do it on my own. But then I feel like at times that maybe He’s forgotten me. But then I shake my head and recall what He said: “Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the son of her womb? Even if she could forget, I will not forget you!” Isiah 49:15.

But I still am feeling like the 5th wheel in a car. You know, the small one that’s in your trunk that is forgotten until you need it for a few miles, and then when you get a regular size tire, you toss it in the back again to be covered in darkness until it receives a moment to shine once more.

I’m almost 40 and the last boyfriend I had was in another century. In the last 3 months, I have been surrounded by 7 different couple wedding talks. I’m invited to all 7 of the weddings and am a maid-of-honor in one of them. I am grateful that these people have thought enough of me to invite me to the most important day of their lives. I just can’t help feeling left behind.

Kids that I used to babysit are inviting me to their weddings. At the last wedding I attended, I arranged the seating charts, as I was helping organize it, so I wouldn’t be sitting by myself with the elders. The single table was already full with 20 somethings, and everyone my age was either there with their spouse or children. Once again I found myself alone.

My once single friends are all now couples, and they do “couple” activities. One friend who is getting married told me that her mother and I were her only single friends. How wonderful. I am not angry nor jealous, just feeling overwhelmed that my love life is underwhelming.

And so this was how I was feeling when I made my way to the store this afternoon. As I walked past the front entrance I took a quick look to my left where the fresh flowers were located. I love fresh flowers. They were not on my list for this quick afternoon grocery run, but I glanced at them for just a moment.

And there, right in front of me were a few stems of my favorite flower, peony. I was shocked. Not because they were so bright, bold, and beautiful, but that they were out of season. Peonies grow in late spring and early summer. The best time to plant them is in the fall, no one is expecting peonies in December where I am from. But there they were, beautiful and waiting for me to take them home.

I knew at that moment that the God who runs the universe, who gave His life up for me, had not forgotten me. He sent me those flowers to show me that I am loved. Even when I can’t feel it or feel overwhelmed, that He loves me. And for that I am eternally grateful, and pray that wherever He plants me, I will blossom and flourish. Even if it means being happy for everyone else in the middle of the busiest wedding season I have ever been a part of. I’m just a late bloomer.

Day 323

Today the cool weather finally came to my corner of the globe. I was up while it was still dark, and even my room was cooler than usual. I checked my phone, and it said 53 degrees! I couldn’t wait to put on my black turtleneck. After I slipped the super soft material over my head, combed my hair, and closed the clasp over my gold watch, I grabbed my Bible and made my way into my home office. It was time to talk to the Father. We have a standing every Wednesday and Saturday morning at 7 am. Although we have our alone devotional times every day, Wednesdays and Saturdays are special. On the other days of the week, the times are not specific, it’s kinda when we get to meet, we meet. It’s usually in the morning before I start my day. Sometimes before breakfast, sometimes after. But on Wednesday and Saturday, those are our “date nights.”

I’ve had conversations with couples who have been married for decades longer than I’ve been alive. The common themes that I have heard from the happy ones were this: we are deliberate with our communication and time.” When it comes to communication, they purposefully set out time to spend with one another. It’s not optional, it’s mandatory. All of the couples have their version of “Date Night.” It was hardest when they had children. But the successful ones powered through those years and that season. It was important for them because when they children left and they were going through “empty nest” syndrome, they were fine. It was not like they woke up and a stranger was living with them. Instead, it was the long lost friend that they had to share for the last 2 or 3 decades (some kids are late bloomers) now was all theirs once more.

I see that with my relationship with God. When we stop going to church in March of this year, it could have been a rude awakening. No longer did we have the weekly scheduled events of the church to fill the spiritual void. Even when church was “online” who was really going to see if you came or didn’t? There was no more accountability to each other. It was you being alone with your God. FINALLY, you could sleep in on the weekends! Watch church online later. FINALLY, rest could be more than just an illusion.

But because my Love and I had developed a relationship outside of the church, and the “spiritual norm”, we didn’t skip a beat. Instead, I got even busier in spiritual things, believe it or not. I started a weekly video podcast where I get to share the love of this AMAZING God with whoever wants to join live or check it out later.

None of this would be possible if I did not have those quiet, while it’s still dark moments with my Eternal Life Partner. The other day one of my brothers was checking out a podcast. He called me with this realization: Hey sis, if you had a family there’s no way you could be doing what you’re doing. The amount of preparation alone? You wouldn’t have the time for it.”

Everything within me wanted to argue with him and say OF COURSE I could keep doing it. But deep in my spirit, I knew he was right. Those quiet moments that only me and God have, would never be the same if I had to take care of a husband and children. And while I desire “human beings” to call my own, I very much enjoy this time of my life where it’s just me and Him.

I hope that if it is His will that I have my “own” humans someday, He and I will adjust and make each other a priority in our lives. Maybe instead of our 7 am Date Nights, we’ll have 5 am ones. Whatever may come our way, may His love cover, keep, bless, and protect our relationship for all eternity because: With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!” Psalm 119:10.

Day 317

Today I woke up exhausted. Just emotionally spent. Last night I was tired. I got into bed at a decent time. But I didn’t receive the rest that I was so desperately searching for. I had a nightmare. I don’t think it should have been one, but it was. I understand that many of our dreams are formulated by the experiences and thoughts that circulate in our minds during the day. A few days ago I had a conversation with some young people (early 30s) about intense relationship decisions. During the conversation, they asked a pointed question: is it a sin to marry someone outside of your faith.” I thought for a moment and asked the Lord to give me clarity in His word. The first thing I asked them was: Does the person know better?“

Oftentimes people have this idea of God that He is a judgemental, power, hungry deity. But the God of the Bible isn’t like that at all. In fact, in Revelation 3:21 Jesus offers co-rulership of the Universe to anyone who overcomes the wiles of this world. That means to live a life of love. Jesus said that they will know that you belong to me when you show love one to another (John 13:35). So anyone who learns to love with their entire being will be a faithful and fearless leader because only those who know perfect love have no fear (1 John 4:18). So, I process the word of God, the Bible, from that worldview, that God is a God of ultimate sacrificial faithful love, who created human beings in His image (Genesis 1:26). He made us to reflect ultimate sacrificial faithful love. And this is why in the same verse of Him creating us He gives us rulership: Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness, to rule over…” Genesis 1:26.

All that to tell you my answer to the question, just so I can share my nightmare with you. Whew! Okay, when I asked them if the person knew better, it was because if they were coming from a place of misinformation or no information, the answer changes. In the New Testament book of Acts chapter 17, the disciple Paul tells us that God winks at ignorance. BUT when you find out the right way He expects you to do better. James 4:17 is clear when it tells us: Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” So this was my line of reasoning. Their question came from: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” Reading the context, had to do with marriage relations.

This wasn’t some arbitrary command that Paul was writing to the church members. It was a warning about a tale as old as time! The Old Testament is riddled with individuals who entered into non-compatible unsanctioned relationships, and 10 times out of 10 disasters and destruction happens. One of the greatest examples is taken from one of the wisest men who ever lived, Solomon. Listen to what the word of God has to say about him: Now King Solomon loved many foreign women…from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, who were princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God…For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord…” 1 Kings 11:1-6. 

Solomon chose other lovers who did not choose the King of kings and Lord of lords: And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the Lord commanded. Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you…” 1 Kings 11:9-11.

The type of things that the wives of Solomon had him doing were so sickening (Jeremiah 7) that if you keep reading, God took the kingdom from him. You see corrupted love will always lead to idolatry. And idolatry is only spiritual adultery. Unlike in the here and now, in a marriage, adultery may lead to a divorce from your spouse. If you divorce God, you are cutting yourself off from life eternal (John 17:13).

So my answer was simple (but I expounded on it, which lasted about 2 hours): relationships are hard enough without being with someone who doesn’t only respect your values but shares them.” Because when I “respect” something, I can also “disrespect” when it becomes a burden for me. And God’s covenant is based on unselfish sacrificial love. Once you walk away from that, all you bring is despair and emptiness. That’s not how God created us to live.

So to my nightmare. I was in a budding relationship with someone who “respected my values” but did not share them. I remember breaking up with them in my dream. They asked me if I ever loved them. I said I did. But that I was in love with God. So since I had to choose, I chose Him. And when I woke up I felt sad and brokenhearted. But my nightmare was, how did I allow myself to even get in a relationship with someone I knew I couldn’t spend eternity with. That completely stressed me out. But it was only just a dream…

Day 278

Today, I get to be a part of a wedding. The beginning of a marriage. How amazingly complex. A beautiful young couple have entrusted me to create their dream atmosphere for them to pledge their love, one to the other. It’s a daunting task. But one that I am highly honored to be a part of for them. I have stayed awake for hours over the past few weeks, going over details in my head to make sure that today would be a memorable and picturesque day for them and their families. During a pandemic which has claimed millions of lives, young people all over the world are still daring to take the plunge and get married. I applaud them. Because I don’t know if I could do it. The bride’s family is in another country and is unable to be there with her. Having your father walk you down the aisle and with teary eyes telling you how beautiful you look and how proud you make him. Having your mother helping you get ready while while she whispers advice for the next chapter of your life, is something this bride will never experience. This pandemic has limited the number of people who will be able to celebrate in person with her, including the ones who brought her into this world. And so, I feel even more pressured, to make sure that this day, becomes a beautiful memory that she may have for the rest of her life.

God understands how I’m feeling. He had the responsibility of creating the perfect environment, the most romantic atmosphere ever created some 6000 years ago. He was going to introduce a man and woman, then after the briefest courtship of all time, marry them one to another, so that the man and woman would now become husband and wife. And since they would have perfect memory recall, God wanted to make sure that every detail was just right. He spent about 6 days creating the perfect, beautiful world for them. He made sure the Sun was created (on the 4th day: Genesis 1:16) so that has it went down on the end of the creation week, it would signal the beginning of the Sabbath and the rest of their lives.

God was not only the wedding designer, He was also the marriage counselor. He gave the most amazing and prolific advice that is more than still valid 6 millennia later: And the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” Genesis 2:15. There, in one sentence God told humanity the most mind blowing piece of advice, which actually is more like a command, on how to thrive in your marriage.

Now, in order to break this down, we’re going to take a look at a few Hebrew words. But first notice that the command which God gave was for their home: And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed.” Genesis 2:8. So the advice or command that God gave our first parents, was how to live in their home. The bedrock of the family’ home is marriage. I will preface this by saying that I am NOT a marriage counselor, neither to do I claim to be. What I am is an avid reader of the word of God, and a believer that His word will stand the test of time because the word of God is His story (which we covered briefly yesterday) interwoven with humanity’s. God has tied Himself down to us and He had a way of escape, but He chose to become human in order to live our story. And His word says that He is eternal, so His word is timeless. Let’s continue:

From the Genesis 2:15 God explains what is needed to have a successful and florushing marriage and homelife. Let’s look at the text again: And the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” There are 2 active commands that God has given to Adam and Eve “dress” and “keep.” The first being dress, this is the Hebrew word for abad. This means to labor, till, work. The second keep is the Hebrew word shamar. This means to celebrate, observe protect. Here in these two simple yet complex commands, God tells Adam and Eve to work, celebrate and protect their home and their marriage. He gave them these instruction prior to sin. Meaning in a perfect world God still expected couples to work on their homelife.

That helps us understand that a happy and flourishing marriage needs work. It also demands to be celebrated and protected. Can you imagine what married life would look like if couples learned those simple principles? I pray a special prayer that the lovely couple which will tie the knot tomorrow, will take the word of God at value and learn to work on their marriage and enjoy the process. That they will learn to celebrate each other, not just during their anniversary, but every single day. I pray that they will protect their home from the wiles of the enemy. I pray these blessings upon them. In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Day 270

I had lunch with some really amazing people today. Next weekend they will enter into a union that has eternal consequences. Basically, they’re getting married! As we began discussing some of their fears and thoughts of marriage, and what living together would look like, the topic of sexual intimacy came about. Now, anyone who truly knows me, understands that I do not shy away from such topics. That actually may be the reason why it was brought up. There were about 6 of us around the dining table, and 80% of them had never been given the “sex talk” from their parents. Given that we are all in our late 20s and 30s, I found it interesting how it was still painful to them that their parents did not take the time to discuss one of life’s greatest joys and disappointments.

Sex was created as a gift from God to mankind. But just as everything that God gave, He provided guidelines in how the gift would flourish under His direction. The word of God states: Let marriage be honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.” Hebrews 13:4. And as I listened to the individuals discuss how they learned about sex, my heart broke. Did they never hear the beautiful purpose for marriage to exist? That God created a way in which human beings could get to know Him on an intimate level, that no other human being could ever know Him for themselves. That marriage is an honorable and celebrated divine event which was supposed to last an eternity? That it is not because God messed up that He created the most sensitive part on the female body to be discovered by her spouse. It was because He desired the the most intimate parts of hearts and minds to only be discoverable by ONE, Deity.

But then when the roundtable discussion moved from intimacy with one another to intimacy with God, it was almost a foreign concept. That’s when it hit me: as a Christian community, we have done a terrible job in teaching about intimacy. Whether it be with each other or with God. This is why God had to spell out the 10 commandments for us. When God explained that the covenant is based on Love, people were confused “Love who?” So the Bible told us: “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40.

After hearing that, people still could not understand, “How do I love God” and “how should I love my neighbor?” This is why we have the 10 Commandments to teach out about intimacy. A few months ago we did a series on the 10 Commandments, and discovered it was actually 10 Promises, the way that it was originally written for our understanding. If we were to really comprehend what the 10 Commandments were all about and apply them, even to our individual relationships, intimacy would begin to grow at a rate that would surprise all parties involved. Because the 10 Commandments are based on self-sacrificing, other-centered, faithful love. And if I’m in a relationship with someone and the both of us are focused on pleasing the party or looking out for the other person’s best interest, how safe do we feel in each other’s presence. Or better yet, how comfortable are we being vulnerable with that person?

The more comfortable you can feel with someone, the more vulnerable you become, the more trust is invested in the relationship. Trust is the bedrock for intimacy. The Greek word used in the New Testament is pistis, which means: to believe, entrust (Strong’s Greek). And Hebrews 11:6 tells us that without pistis it is impossible to please Him. What is really being said here, is what we would expect in any relationship we desire to be intimate with another person. Without that other person believing in you or entrusting you with their heart, how can we think to build a solid lasting relationship? Honestly you can’t.

So I apologize to every individual that never had “the talk” how it should have been done. That your Creator loved you so much that He created all types of ways for you to enter into and to enjoy intimacy and closeness with others so that you could know how close He desires to be with you in your heart. I’m sorry if you never heard these beautiful words: Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3. All the beautiful things in your life has been Him pulling and drawing you to Himself. And yes, sex in the right and proper context is one of those ways He pulls you to Himself.

Day 266

I know, yesterday it was 101 days. Today it’s officially Fall, and 100 days until the end of the year! This has been my longest consistent relationship, we’re 266 days in people! Speaking about relationships, this is a blog about that specific topic. Mostly concentrating on the divine-human relationship, which is often displayed through the interaction of human to human relations. God’s first human pairing was a direct reflection of His relational integrity. Marriage. There’s a show where you meet your spouse at the altar, for the first time. You get matched up by experts and get married. It’s a televised experiment and it is for people who are seeking to find their life partner through an extreme measure. But how extreme is it, in all reality? Arranged marriages have been the norm since the beginning of time. I mentioned the first pair, and they were introduced on their wedding day, by God. But before they met each other, they met and knew God.

And shouldn’t that be the basis of all our relationships? That we know Him? Because if you are searching for that life partner that you can spend forever with, you need to find someone who has forever in them. What do I mean? Jesus told us in John 17:3 that whoever knows God and the Son for themselves, in a relational integrity union, has eternal life. So, if you meet someone that knows God for themselves, and you know God for yourself, you really can have that “forever” type love. And forever is only a long time if you don’t get along. As I watched clips of the show that I mentioned about the spouses meeting the first time at the altar, I cringed at the moments where it was so clear that only one party was trying to make it work. The desperation on their faces, and their concessions on their wants and desires, was so unfair. But they had agreed to sign the marriage documents and pledge their loyalty to the stranger that became their spouse!

I had a discussion with my family last weekend, and brought the idea up to them, in a hypothetical situation. What if… I was to engage in this type of matchmaking process? They flipped out. But what I was most surprised was my baby brother, who is engaged, completely lost it. He said that he would never show up to my wedding if I agreed to marry a complete stranger. I was hurt that he did not feel like he could support me, but as I mulled over the situation, I understood his emotional dissidence. God who is the creator of relationships, would never want to make us be in a relationship with Him without getting to know Him: Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29. Here is an invitation from God, so we could get to know His emotional and caring side. What about this call: “Come, follow Me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” Matthew 4:19. For this invitation, He’s inviting you to become business partners with Him. In the book of Revelation listen to God’s call to having a full and satisfying life in Him: The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” Let the one who hears say, “Come!” And let the one who is thirsty come, and the one who desires the water of life drink freely.” Revelation 22:17. God definitely wants us to get to know Him for ourselves.

There was a second show that I saw clips of, another experiment. This one the couples could not see each other. But they could speak to one another. Thirty singles came to find love. At the end of the process, if you believed that you had found the one your souls desired, then you could ask them to marry you, without ever seeing what they looked like. Talk about more insanity! But as I watched these clips of one couple specifically, you could see their intimacy budding and growing. They began to look forward to their meeting time so that they could communicate one to another. When they first said ‘I love you’, it was with sight unseen. The physical attributes were removed from the equation and the things that make a person a person was revealed and celebrated. When they finally had the chance to see each other, the groom to practically run and grabbed his beloved in his arms. The grasp was so tight, it looked like he would never let her go. I was crying right along with them. It was beautiful. He happened to be white, she was black. Their skin color didn’t matter, because their hearts were one and the same.

One day, we’ll be that woman standing and smiling from ear to ear to see her Groom to be, come running down to sweep us up into a beautiful heavenly environmental forever. Until that breathtaking moment, let’s keep talking and communicating with our God our King, and grow more and more in love with Him every single day.

Day 264

I recently did something that is a bit out of my norm. But the more that I think about it, isn’t life no longer “normal”? I keep wondering will we ever get back to a world where I don’t need a masks in order to go into a place of business? An entire generation will be defined by wearing masks as their norm, everywhere they go. Masks will be in every major life event captured on film (or at least digitally). We’ll have the world pre-COVID and post-COVID. I know of so many pending weddings due to this world changing event that has occurred in 2020. I wondered, could I go ahead and get married if my family could not be there? Would I postpone my life with my future spouse in order that the family of my past be present for my once in a lifetime experience? I don’t know if I could do it? Yet so many couples are having to make that tough decision. Choosing which job to take, which college to attend, which city to move to, should be tough decisions, not “should I get married without my loved ones being there?” That a decision God never wants to make. But He might have to.

The Bible uses the most intimate relationship within the confines of the human experiment (I use this word, because sometimes we get it right and most times we don’t. Life ,that is.) to express the desire God has for us. When a guy sees a girl that he is really into, he does the most out of the box thinking, in order to get her attention. He’ll write poetry, sing songs to serenade her, he’ll even stand outside her bedroom window with an old school boombox over his head, blaring her favorite song (iconic movie clips anyone?). But the whole point is trying to get the attention of the one you can’t imagine spending or doing life without. When I say “doing” life, that is exactly what I mean. From the highs and lows, from a full house to an empty nest, someone where you can explore all the nuances that breathing grants us in this world. Believe it or not, God wants to “do” life with you. It may sound strange, but it’s true.

I come from a culture where storytelling is woven into the fabric of our everyday lives. This is how we express ourselves, love, danger, desires. We use other people’s stories, their lives as a mirror to what we want to experience. God also uses this technique. For example the marriage that Hosea the prophet had, was a mirror of God’s relationship with the nation of Israel, who was considered the “Old Testament Church.” Listen to what is written in the second chapter of the book that bears the prophet’s name: I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the LORD.” Hosea 2:19-20.

God wanted the church, the nation, the individual people to know that He loves and desires what’s best for them, more than a husband could ever want, love or desire for his wife. He wants to show us righteousness and justice! I mean a world that is saturated in unrighteousness and surrounded by injustice, this is literal music to my ears. He also said that He wants to show His unfailing love and compassion to us. This unfailing love, is what novels are based upon, what “Happily ever afters” try to portray. For some reason, we as humans are unable to reach this sphere of relational integrity, but our hearts yearn for it; both men and women. He says that He wants to show us compassion. This is like water to my dry and weary soul. I’ve purposefully avoided the news, because of the lack of compassion that is expressed as some type of badge of honor during this political season. I am tired of being berated by unkindness and the “illiteracy of decency” (yes, I’ve coined that phrase) in our world, aren’t you?

But then God finishes that statement with “I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the LORD.” Here, He is saying, that He knows that we are not used to being in a relationship where one person is willing to be faithful to another unto death, but He is telling us, that we can finally experience it. He’s here and dying to be with us. So often people recite the vows on their marriage day “Till death do us part.” But even as they say it, somewhere in their heart, they know that this statement will probably not prove to be true. Not that they don’t want it to, but that people do not know how to see it through. But God does. He says that in that day when we finally realize that He is faithful, and will never walk away from us, that we will FINALLY know Him as our LORD. Or in the context our faithful Spouse.

He declares that: But this is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD. I will put My law in their minds and inscribe it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they will be My people.” Jeremiah 31:33. In the New Testament He declares that: this is My covenant with them when I take away their sins.” Romans 11:27. This is the God who is faithful towards us. But there are some who will refuse His gesture of love. They will reject His ultimate sacrifice, the one where He spilled His blood for their opportunity to live with Him forever. And a time is coming, when He will stand up as it is written in Daniel chapter 12, and the invitation, the boombox over His head opportunity will be over. And those who have decided to “give the ring back” will not be a part of the celebration that He has been planning since the foundations of this world were first laid.

I know He will be sad, and devastated that they will not be able to join Him and be a part of the festivities of the wedding of an eternal-lifetime. I hope that you keep the ring which is His law written in our hearts. So that one day you and I will be able to see Him face to face and experience His loving compassion like we’ve never experienced anything before. Where life will be anything but the norm, but unfailing love will be the law of the land.

Day 247

I was going to study political science in undergrad, and then go to grad school to obtain my JD. I was going to be a lawyer. Get married at 25, have 2 kids by the time I was 28, and about the age of 35 have run for a political office. My goal was to remain in the state that I was raised and to leave it better than when I entered it. I am 36, very much single with no children. Studied allied health sciences in undergrad, and for grad school, I got my degrees from the College of Public Health Administration from the university that I attended. I have no desire to go anywhere near politics. There’s an adage: If you want to see God laugh, make plans.

I had mapped out my life, and it doesn’t look ANYTHING like I had planned. I was so specific, I wanted to get pregnant once, with twins, so I wouldn’t have to go through pregnancy again. I wanted a boy and a girl, so I’d have one of each. But that did not happen. Having kids naturally after the age of 35 is called a “geriatric pregnancy.” It’s a real thing, I didn’t make it up. A few years ago, someone who came in the guise of “concern for me,” asked me if I was trying to start a family at my age. I was blown away. I think I was 29 at the time. They said that they thought it was great that I was concentrating on finishing graduate school, but what next? I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wasn’t dating. So when did I think I could find someone, and date for a while, get married, enjoy the married life before having kids. I was still confused as to why we were having this conversation. They proceeded to tell me that it was not fair to myself nor society to get pregnant after a certain age because I increased my chance of having a mentally challenged baby.

To this day, that conversation floored me. Is that how you tell someone that you care for them? If so, I’d rather believe that you didn’t care. I believe that every child is a gift from God. And we all have difficulties in this life. Whatever child God gave me, if I had them naturally or not, if they had complications or not, I would with my entire being, because that is what God created us to do. And in that respect or regard, we have challenges. We struggle through life every day. In fact, during a prayer recently, I resented that someone felt like they had to pray for me, for a specific subject. I was hurt because I know that I am broken, and in my state, I hate that I don’t feel like I’m enough, that I need God to step in and rescue me. And I know that He doesn’t resent me, nor my resentfulness due to my weaknesses: But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.

I think my problem, is being weak. I’m used to being strong. I’m the one in charge, even when I’m not the one in charge. I make the shots, I make the calls, I sign off for approval, I make the final decisions, I’m not weak. And yet there is something in my life that escapes me, and I cannot find the answers from within myself, and so I am helpless for His throne. But I don’t want it to be me. I pray for others, I teach people about the Word of God, I get it. But there’s a part that I can’t grasp and hurts me to the core of who I am. But then the word of God says: For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9.

His grace is going to make up the shortfall that I can’t make up and His grace is what saves me. There are not enough things on this earth that I can do to change His constant approach towards me: I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3. When I was making up my plans when I was younger there was One thing missing, Him. He wasn’t in them. I figured out that He would be around, and I would attend church with my family, but the reality was, that God was not at the center of my plans. Even though I was at the heart of His: He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.” 2 Timothy 1:9. While through His grace, before the beginning of time, I was on His mind; my mind was focused on things of this life, this world, these issues, when all the time He was telling me: Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2.

God had no problems with my plans, but He knew that my plans might cause me problems that would not help me achieve the goal He has set before me, the prize: I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14. Sure, if you want to see God laugh, make plans. But if you want to see Him smile, include Him in them.